Memories | The Smashing Pumpkins

MCIS ‘96 Tour Memorabilia

Robert Philadelphia, PA, US

Of all the music I own, MCIS will always be the most personal to me. Spring of 1996 I was going through a rough patch. I was a sophomore in high school and experimenting with lots of substances. My girlfriend at the time introduced me to MCIS and the album became the soundtrack to our relationship. Long story short, a few weeks later my mother discovered my drug use and sent me to live in Texas with my father. I was basically uprooted and separated from my first love and my friends and family. This was very traumatic for me and I cried just about every day for the first few months. MCIS was heartbreaking to listen to at times, but it ultimately helped me get through a very rough period in my life. Not sure where I would be without the album. MCIS means so much to me still to this day. Just wanted to say thanks to William and the rest of the band for blessing us with this landmark album. I love you all SO much.

25 Years Looking Back

Jon CA

Twenty-five freakin’ years? Has it really been that long?

So, its the 25th anniversary of the Smashing Pumpkins ‘Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness’, the first album I ever owned. There are many stories I have with this album, it was the album that opened my mind up to so many variety of music and art, this album will forever mean a great deal to me.

This album has stood the test of time. Throughout the years this album has been a constant in my life, a soundtrack to many highs and lows and everything in between, I have moved around a lot in my life, and have gained and lost many friends throughout the years, been through hell and back many many countless times, much like the themes of this album which are cycles of day and night, its not all bad, there have been many great memories I’ve shared with these songs too, I have made life long friendships within the SP community, and some enemies too, haha, online drama never really ends does it? Especially when you are an outsider observing the never ending war between over zealous self flagellating Sad Machines and group therapy Netphoria. Its interesting to see the vast dynamics of opinions that range in the SP community, having used to dive heavily into the online battles myself once upon a time.

Its been a few years since I’ve really partaken in any online community, but I’ve remained close to many friends who still do and its cool to see the online community still thriving even though I’ve since distanced myself, mainly just for mental health reasons, just can’t see myself getting caught up in the arguments and debates anymore, it gets exhausting (and I was once an admin on the largest Facebook group, and lemme tell you- you get caught up in a lot of needless drama between casual and over zealous fans, and it just gets in the way of the music). But in the end that’s all find and dandy I guess, the music is what I came here for. And looking back it just doesn’t feel like its been 25 years since this album was released. It was the very first album I ever owned, I got it as a belated birthday present as my 11th b-day just went by a few weeks earlier. I still remember the feeling I got when I put on this album for the first time, putting my headphones on and listening tot his album on my Walkman back in the day, I still get the same feeling now as I did when I was a kid when I listen to these songs. This album opened my mind to a lot of different things, different music genres and different styles of art in general, it was an eye opener for sure. I can go on about this album and what its meant to me throughout the years but I guess I’ll leave this at that.

I will talk about one more thing, a rather personal thing, as what I’ve said earlier about forming life long friendships, one thing this album reminds me heavily of is of my two friends Dean and Chad, both whom I met through the SP community back in 2006 & 2007, they both passed away in September & November 2018, this album reminds me so much of both them. Upon hearing it was the 25th anniversary the other day I put the album on and listened to it on repeat for awhile thinking about both of my brothers who are no longer here, Thirty-Three & 1979 are their songs. And I will always play them loud for them, for their memory. These aren’t just songs for some of us, for some of us these are beacons of light who help us out of our own personal hells, sometimes all we have is our music. And looking at the other memories that are shared on here there are many, many stories to tell, there is always a story to tell.

Thank you, WPC, James, D’arcy & Jimmy for Mellon Collie. Some of us wouldn’t be here without the music.

Thanks again.

– Dandy Jon

Mellon Collie Envy

Cristina California , US

It was 1997, and I desperately wanted the Mellon Collie album. My dad’s friend and his girlfriend had been moving into the house behind ours at the time, and had been moving all of their things. The girlfriend let me borrow Mellon Collie, and I was so excited. I couldn’t afford to buy my own. I played it over and over. When they moved out I never gave it back. No regrets.

From BSC to MCIS

Abi Montreal, Quebec, CA

Never dared tell anyone this… Here goes nothing! When I was 11 years old I was obsessed with the Baby-Sitters Club novels so when the movie came out I obviously went to see it. How did this make me discover Mellon Collie exactly? Bear with me. So there’s this scene in the movie where a character tries to seduce someone else’s boyfriend by inviting him to a Smashing Pumpkins concert. I was intrigued. After the movie, I asked my mom to take me to the record store and we inquired about their music. The salesclerk recommended we get their new release. When I got home that night, I listened to the whole thing on my walkman and my mind was blown even if I didn’t yet have the necessary life experience to fully understand it at that point. But it has been the most important album in my life since and has accompanied me throughout the years, through my first love and heartbreak, through caffeinated all-nighters in college, through deceptions and confusion, through adventures and love, through my pregnancy… I love that album so much and I thank the Smashing Pumpkins for continuing to push boundaries and taking us on this great musical journey. SP forever. 🖤🖤🖤

Thanks for being there

William Roberts Brooklyn, US

I remember high school was often awful, as high school is, but it felt espeacially excruciating in 2013, when I really started to make steps into caring for my mental health. When I struggled to find a safespace in real life, MCIS gave me a sonic safespace. Many albums are satisfied in acknowleging the burdens of life, but MCIS acknowledges the burdens, joys, and everywhere-in-betweens that life has to offer as well. This album not only helped me come to terms with who I am, it helped me become better than who I was too.

Thank you guys.

Transformation

Daniel Melli Sayville, US

this album came into my life at a time I feel that it was meant to. I’d just moved with my family from my childhood home to an apartment, and it was an incredibly tense time. Not just the move, but there was tension so great between my parents that it was affecting me in darker ways that I knew. It was like a heavy, toxic black cloud of confusion and stress. So I had no one I felt I could talk to, but I had music. And at the time I was just discovering the Smashing Pumpkins. Didn’t take me long to get heavily into the amazing music of this band. I ordered a copy of MCIS and when I tell you I locked myself in my room and listened to this album for hours every day, repeatedly, I mean it. I to this day have never heard anything like it. The music and lyrics across the landscape of MCIS hit the mark of every new, strange, scary, fucked up emotion that was flowing through me. I’d close my eyes, and listen, and cry. And scream. And sing. And as I found out more about what was going on with my parents, as frightening as that situation was, I had this album to cover me up like a blanket of security. It made me stronger. Because I have found solace through my grief, and even compassion for my parents and what they were going through. This album, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, is all of those things — love, anxiety, loneliness, hate, guilt, regret, grief, bliss, joy — and really it’s about transformation. I know I went through a transformation and still am. I would not have done it as well, at that particular time in my life, if I didn’t have this album to help guide me. It gave me a release that the band who created it may never know, but I will always, always be grateful for it all my life. Thank you The Smashing Pumpkins and Happy Anniversary to this profoundly moving masterpiece ✨

I was introduced to MCIS on my “Sr. Class Trip from HELL”

Joanne Hutton Mooresville, NC, US

In March 1996, I was introduced to MCIS (and the Smashing Pumpkins) by a classmate of mine on a trip to Disney World. Our flight was delayed by 12 hours, because there were problems @ customs, crew issues, malfunctions on the plane, etc. and I was scared out of my mind, as this was my first ever time on a plane! The guy gave me his CD player as we were about to take off and told me to just listen and relax, starting with track 1, as I was sobbing uncontrollably in fear. When I got back home, I immediately went to the store and bought every SP thing I could get…I was hooked! I’ve seen them 15 times live since and have an extensive collection of SP memorabilia and albums.

5th grade and amazed

Jessica Fayetteville, AR, US

I was 10 years old and had saved up all my money to buy this album on CD. I walked over to Borders all proud of myself. I was not only in love with the music (never really had heard anything quite like SP) but the artwork, too. I still remember seeing the CD on the shelf…. It still to this day is my favorite album cover of all time. MCIS brings me right back to being in my room listening to this on repeat….thinking about all the complexities of a 10 year old’s world.

i feel the same.

Dan US

i was 16 when this record came out. i remember speeding around my small town in the dead of night in the car of my first friend who could drive. full of rage and frustration and love and nostalgia. feeling simultaneously like the center of the universe and less than nothing. about a decade later i remember walking around my college town listening to the entire record on headphones, feeling those same things. last month, at 41, i did the same thing. I FEEL THE SAME. when this album came out, my hyper-inflated sense of self-awareness told me i loved it because i was sixteen. now i know better. it wasn’t because i was sixteen.

My SP Journey Continues

Clay Tuckett Lindon, Utah, US

October 24, 1995 – 13 year old me sat in a Junior High school class eagerly anticipating school being over, so I could meet up with my 3 best friends, to go buy and listen to the new Smashing Pumpkins album, Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness. Prior to this moment, I had slowly been getting into the popular alternative music at the time, and had purchased a few albums of my own. However nothing could prepare me for the rollercoaster ride of emotion, excitement and sheer enjoyment, that would accompany the first time I sat down alone, and listened to this album from beginning to end. I had already heard some Smashing Pumpkins music prior to this experience, and I credit the song “Rhinoceros” from the EP Lull, as the moment this incredible musical journey began…I snuck into my older brothers rooms, and listened to all their CD’s, but Lull was the one that truly grabbed my attention. Despite having heard the album Siamese Dream between finding Lull, and when I first listened to Mellon Collie, it just didn’t have the same effect on me at the time, that Mellon Collie did. Every last second of the 28 track, 120+ minute experience of Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness, opened up places inside my heart and mind that I never knew existed, and began healing my aching heart, mind and soul. It may all sound silly, or crazy, but this album absolutely saved my life, and kept me afloat in the darkest most depressing times of my teenage years. But it hasn’t stopped there. For 25 years, this album, and the band behind it, have been a beacon of joy, light, and love for me and many others, some of which I’ve been privileged to get to know. Now, on October 24th, 2020, as a 38 year old (wondering where all the time has gone), and in the midst of many unexpected struggles and challenges that pull at me daily. I not only have the music of the past to inspire and uplift me, but also new music coming soon, and there are many things planned for the future…on Thursday, it was announced that the Smashing Pumpkins are currently working on a 33 track sequel to both the album Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness, as well as a follow up album, called Machina. In addition, there’s a new 20 track album being released on November 27th, titled CYR. As well as multiple other massive projects, including huge plans for arena style touring as soon as possible, and plans to release an endless collection of tracks from their huge archive of unreleased music. It’s all almost too good to be true, but it is true, and this has been the story of my SP journey from the beginning. It’s changed my life, altered the path I was on more than a couple times, and completely saved me from the frustrations and unhappiness, that have plagued me throughout my life. So today, on the 25th anniversary of such an iconic album, I am not only happy to have survived this journey, but to have reaped so much from something that is seemingly insignificant to others. This music has always been my guide, and all the good that’s happened to me because of it, is all thanks to God, who clearly works in mysterious ways. I don’t know the full story now, and I don’t need to, but what I do know is that the Smashing Pumpkins and their music, have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Without them, and what they’ve done, I wouldn’t have made it through my teenage years, I wouldn’t be happily married today, and I wouldn’t have the strength to get through the moments where everything seems to be caving in. As I listen to these 28 tracks again, I can’t help but feel a sense of appreciation and pure joy, in knowing that the story continues, and even if it were to end today, it has been an absolutely incredible journey that I will never forget.

Your innocence is treasure; your innocence is death.

Nick REDLANDS, US

The album had been out for almost a year. I walked over to Tower Records on my 18th birthday and bought the record with my birthday money. When I listened to it, I realized that everything I had felt for all of high school was on this album. Happy, sad, angry, hopeful, despairing, romantic. Anxiety over my friend’s suicidal depression (she’s still alive). Anxiety over my parents’ impeding divorce (they’re still together). My own fears about what to do with my life. It was all in the album, and I didn’t feel as alone anymore. I still don’t b/c of MCIS

Turning point soundtrack

Juan Zaragoza, ES

I was living through a mild rough turning point in my standard life. I decided to go to Edinburgh, Scotland, for a few months and then to Glasgow for a year. I met a new friend who introduced me to MCIS and I loved it ever since. My all-time favourite album, a masterpiece which talked to me about happiness, pain, life and death. I changed, the music helped me feel while changing, and I became new and better. Thanks, Julie.

Tonight, Tonight

Becky Manahawkin, NJ, US

I saw the Tonight, Tonight video when I was in 6th grade (1996) and I immediately fell in love with Billy Corgan’s voice and the style of the video. I just had to hear more. My first real music purchase was MCIS. I spent hours printing out SP pictures that I hung up all over my room and listened to MCIS on loop in my CD player pretty much every day. I have never not loved SP and FINALLY got to see them in concert in 2018.

The Wedding

Jill and Wayne South Carolina, US

We were married in 1999. We are both very connected to this life by lyrics and music and we found that “Tonight, Tonight” was just perfect for us. Even the video spoke to our story. So, we played it through a small stereo at our ceremony.

”Believe in me, like I believe in you.”

We’ve played it every year on our anniversary for the last 21 years.

Side note:The year after we married, what we consider the companion track to our life in love soundtrack – “Stand Inside Your Love” was released. Where “Tonight..” lifted us up, “Stand..” solidified our deep love and passion. Billy may have had his reasons and his own stories to shape these songs. The greatness of it all is that his emotion and willingness to expose feeling, lyrically and musically, is adaptable by anyone who hears music with their whole heart like we do. For that we owe him a debt of gratitude.

Thank you, from our hearts.

SPs

James Edinburgh, GB

My introduction to Smashing Pumpkins was Rotten Apples. I unknowingly bought the cd on the morning of the day that my dad died when I was 14. Strangely that night I put the cd on and managed to go straight to sleep listening to it and felt weirdly comfortable with the whole situation. Played it alot over following weeks and obviously led me into the albums, especially Melon Collie.

Last week my first child was born and 1979 came on the birthing playlist I had made for my partner just after the wee man busted out. It was on shuffle. I know this was just coincidence but it was a nice thing to happen.

Border Collie

Pablo Veríssimo Dávila Sanches Taquara, Rio Grande do Sul, BR

I remember I was 13 years old, it was 2011. My mother divorced and my abusive step dad finally disappeared. But then I had to leave and live with my dad and abusive step mom in Brasília. I didn’t knew anyone and my accent was too different, so music and playing strat were my only friends for a really long time. I downloaded Mellon Collie in a dinosaur website with few albums that this guy had and was sharing. I had no computer of my own so I always had to put them straight into those small MP3/Pen drive so when I realized it was a double LP Smashing Pumpkins album I was feeling like that was too much. But I loved every single song. Few years later my mom told me that she used to listened to this album back in the time I was inside her belly, when she was pregnant. Today I practice some of the songs, Ode to No One, Jelly belly, Tales of a Scorched Earth, Where Boys are Fear to Tread, Bodies…

Zero

Crystal Pittsburgh, PA, US

I remember watching MTV and that is when I first saw it. I was already at 10 years old a fan of the band from hearing them on the radio. At 12 years old, that is when I first saw the video for Bullet with Butterfly wings. I feel like that was when everything change. I understood music and the visual as a medium. Billy spinning around with Zero in silver with the silver pants. I felt like it molded my 12 year old brain. That Christmas with the money I got, I had my grandmother take me to buy Mellon Collie and the Infinite Saddness the next day. It was the first CD I bought for myself. Open it up and you had two full albums of the most beautiful art that you have ever seen or heard. I truly believe the album helped shaped and molded me into a person that seems multidimensional.

Transformative Years

Spencer Folkerts Fort Wayne, IN, US

Your Senior year in high school is full of emotions and trying to figure out what’s next. My best friend Darren’s basement is where we listened to music and played CD roulette where we had to guess there artist, song title. I remember studying the MCIS booklet, reading the lyrics like poetry. The SP tour came to my city of Fort Wayne, IN. My friends from high school reunited from college for an epic show. I had to save my friend Heather from being pinned between several big guys and we sat on the edge taking in the rest of show. MCIS guided me through several relationships, being on my own in college. This was my look in college, SP shirts with flannel. The variety of music, each song playing like a movie, pure poetry and power is what keeps me listening to this album to this day.

Lost but not forgotten

Michael Bettegnies Indianapolis, IN, US

In high-school I got bullied so much I hurt myself i tried to die 4 times my mom who is 52 now showed me this album when I was 5 and going into high-school I started using your music to block out all the bad things you and the band and music saved me I wouldn’t be here without it. This album got me off heroin and let start a life with 2 beautiful daughters

Midnight release

Adrian Albuquerque , US

The release night I was thinking. Okay, leave my place before midnight and pick up MCIS and some pizza provided from the local radio station at Best Buy and come back home.

But my friend calls me up and says let’s go pick up the album together. I said okay. He swung on by and we grabbed each our copy. Then we left. We decided let’s drive to Santa Fe to listen to it. We did. The first disc played the way there. We got coffee at a gas station and played the 2nd disc on the was back to ABQ.

Smashing Pumpkins - Memories!

One word memory.

Theodore Orlando, US