Smashing Pumpkins: Why I’m still alive at 42

Mone't Ha-Sidi Sacramento, CA, US

I was 18 years old, a Black Girl, depressed, and alienated. I saved my paychecks from Chuck-E-Cheese to buy a ticket for the MCIS show in Sac. I was in the 27th row and alone, but excited to see my favorite band for the first time. Today I have 37 SP, tattoos, including ALL the MCIS lyric booklet symbols, and Love is Suicide.

Growing up with MCIS

Evan Palmatier New York, US

I remember the first time I heard the smashing pumpkins. I was no older than 10. My dad had put in his MCIS CD in while we’re on a little “road trip” for his work. He skipped right to Bullet with Butterfly Wings, and from that moment on I felt my life had changed. Going on as I grew older I would listen to SP a lot, most importantly in my late teen years going through a lot of depression. Where SP and MCIS helped me the most though was in may of this year when I was fresh out of liver transplant and was all alone in my hospital room, I’d put my headphones in and jam out all night until I fell asleep THANK YOU SP!!

25 Years of Infinite Fandom

Chelsi Schriver West Sacramento, CA, US

This record has been the catalyst to so many important moments of my life. As my introduction to The Mighty SP in 1996, it opened my eyes to all of the wondrous and magical butterfly effects that loving a band, and so many pieces of music with all your heart, can evoke. From making lifelong friends, to cross-country travel, and getting deeply lost in ephemeral sonic moments you wish could last forever, it’s *all* because of MCIS. 

Mellon Collie 1996 NYC

Erek Brooklyn, NY, US

At the very beginning of the Mellon Collie tour the Pumpkins played three intimate shows at The Academy in NYC on Jan. 11th, 12th, & 13th, 1996.  I was fortunate to attend all three shows.  1st sets were primarily beautiful soft acoustic, 2nd sets were full blast electric, multiple encores.  Stage lighting and setting were simple and pure, such as the 8ft flower on the stage.  No cellphone days, crowd was fully immersed, captured by the raw power and elegance of the Pumpkins unique creative force.  For me, a true snapshot of a more simpler/innocent time, experiencing a groundbreaking band gaining momentum/notoriety that were ready to unleash a true identity body of work for the world to absorb. Pic shown is the commemorative ticket designed by James Iha.  Happy 25th Anniversary Mellon Collie!!!

Greatest Album of All Time

jdodson Portland, US

MCIS is the greatest album of all time and is one of those things that you have a great relationship over the years.  Dawn to Dusk it’s a beautiful ride and one I’ll always be happy to be on from time to time.  My young son and I tried to draw it this morning and whereas it looks very embarrassing there is something quaint in trying to collaborate with a four year old as Muzzle is blazing in the background.

French Them

Leroy Luc Bastia, FR

J’ai découvert MCIS au printemps 1996, adolescent à cette époque, l’album et ses mélodies m’accompagna tout au long des chaudes nuits de cet été là, rythmant mes jours et mes nuits, mes doutes et mes faiblesses, mes humeurs et mes amours… Telle une fièvre qui monte et se répand, il contamina mes amis les plus proches, sans ne plus jamais nous quitter, aujourd’hui encore, 25 ans après l’adulte que je suis devenu ne peut plus se passer de l’écouter, de temps en temps ou plus souvent, ses textes et musiques refaisant vivre en moi ces années si loin déjà, mélancolie mêlée de tendresse et de joie. Merci pour ces 25 ans et pour les années à venir.

Luc.

Proud to be me

Kenneth Houston, Texas, US

MCIS is the soundtrack of my life! I was in high school when it came out, and every memory from then til now has a song from MCIS to go with it. The music is still great and the lyrics just make me feel like I belong. Like it’s cool to be me….even if its not. Thank you for recording this and just letting me be a fan of something special. 

In faith, in compassion and in love

Ana Weissheimer Canoas, BR

I bought my album to help homeless animals in my city.
Many memories of an album and band that accompany me in happy, sad moments. And they always gave me peace

The first time for everything

Cody Dallas , US

My sister and I skipped school for the first and only time ever! We went to I wanna say blockbuster music! We also smoked weed for the fist time! The album is a story it’s a different one for everyone if that makes sense. I wanna say we listened to it a lot and still do

Twilight to Starlight

Matt Harrisburg, US

I remember how excited I was. I hocked a bunch of stuff to be able to afford MCIS (Weezer, MyLifewiththe), y’know, nothing important. I remember being shocked by the style of Tonight, Tonight. The sound of the record still takes me back to that time: frustration, anger, feelings of being unwanted, elation, joy, daily epiphanies. It was the new sound. I remember being excited for Flood, but longing for Butch Vig. I made me feel like I belonged. Thank you for helping to make ’95 mean something.

Thru the Empty Space

Poramy Phnom Penh, KH

Happy 25th birthday “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness” – Despite the lingering aura of doom and gloom, every song was underpinned by a pervasive sense of love (in all its many forms), romanticism and hope.

this record spoke to me despite it’s many forays into the realms of esoterica…it’s been the gift the keeps on giving; slowly revealing its mysteries to me from my teen age to middle age…every song a milestone, a marker, on my journey from boyhood to manhood…and beyond the beyond…”thru the empty space, thru the secret places of the heart”  🖤🖤🖤

The Crowning Achievement of the Four OG Band Members

Lora San Diego, CA, US

My brother and I co-purchased “MCIS” 50/50 on the night it came out, from The Wherehouse down the street from where he lived with my dad and stepmom at the time. I ended up taking the “Twilight to Starlight” (“the blue one”) home while he kept “Dawn to Dusk” (“the pink one”), which always makes the former feel like the “first” disk to me – even though that’s out of order and makes it so the title track and “Farewell and Goodnight” don’t sync up as ‘bookends’ to the album, as intended.

The band’s crowning achievement, “Mellon Collie” was the Pumpkins at the top of their game, and how Billy could write so many incredible songs and lyrics in such short period of time I still don’t understand. The uninitiated call Kurt Cobain the voice of our generation, but with all due respect and love for him, it’s ultimately Billy who spoke for us and to us through the Pumpkins’ music.

Paul and I saw SP tour “Mellon Collie” twice in 1996, at a small club and at a big arena. Years later he gave away our MCIS copy without my knowing – he backed up the files for me first – sure wish I still had our OG physical copy bought that night at the La Mesa Wherehouse.

Heather

Artemis Chicago, IL, US

In 1994, my childhood best friend and I memorized every word on the Siamese Dream album in anticipation of watching SP at Lollapalooza.   It was one of the best times of my life.  I was jealous of Heather when she was able to get James’ autograph on her ticket stub while waiting for an amusement ride.  

We devoured Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness when it was released.   The video for Tonight, Tonight mesmerized us. 

In 1997, Heather passed unexpectedly. Placed by her family in the casket…her Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album.   That image is forever burned into my brain.

I will never forget the times we spent sitting and listening and memorizing and laughing.  Heather’s still listening with me even now, just on another plane.

Pircelina and the Vast Oceans

Gary Thomoson Greensboro, NC, US

OMG…from the coattails of Siamese Dream, MellonCollie was life changing. In tears, I cried singing quietly the lyrics to Porcelina as my daughter was being born. Within weeks I put her to sleep playing that song!!! Love you guys!!! No, she wasn’t phased by the heavy part!!! 🙂

Leaving A Piece Of Youth

Kenleigh G Asheville, NC, US

When I was younger my dad introduced me to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. I have memories of being a small child and riding in his truck listening to songs like “Bullet With Butterfly Wings”. My dad works a lot but some of my favorite memories with him are connected to this album.

Fast forward to this year and I started college and adopted an ESA kitten, Sal,  who sadly passed away due to unknown complications. One of my last memories with him is resting in my bed with him sitting on my chest listening to “Tonight, Tonight” and him purring. Even though these things are in the past now, they shaped me into the person I am today. Thank you for being part of the journey.

A Zero in Brazil

Eddie Thomaz Dallas, TX, US

In 1994, when I was 13 years old, my family and I moved to São Paulo, Brazil. I barely spoke the language, did not know how to read or write in Portuguese and was put into public school. I did not fit in at all, people made fun of me because I was different. I felt like a complete outsider. I loved SP from the beginning of their career, their music made me feel better about myself and get through those difficult times. When MCATIS came out in 1995, CDs in Brazil, especially imports were super expensive ($40). I got a job as a waiter, it took me two months working to save up the money just to buy the album, I remember running to the cd store grabbing a copy of the album rushing home and putting it on CD 1 track 4, Zero. I must have listened to that track a thousand times, then, to my unexpected surprise, I was blown away by the rest of the album. So much diversity, complexity / simplicity, love/anger in each song, it made me feel accepted. One of my favorite memories to this day is listening to Porcelina on my headset in a beach in Brazil, up to then, I had never felt so at peace. Your music made a difference in my life. People associate your music to me, I constantly get messages, “Eddie, every time I listen to Smashing Pumpkins, I think about you”. It influenced me to become a musician. I even had the opportunity in 2010 to open a show for the Smashing Pumpkins and meet all of them in 2010. Thank you for being a part of my life. 

Infinite Gratitude

Jonathon San Diego, US

In middle/ high school I was a “fag” and a “freak”. MCIS was an album that was always there for me. It made me proud to be myself! The pumpkins will always have a special place in my heart. My high school self thanks you too. 

Best dark times

Jessica West Fields Lawndale, CA, US

I drove my mom nuts with this double album because despite her loving your music, too, I was over-playing it in that all too typical teenage depression/angst period. 

And, although I’m certainly older and feelings have sort of muted over time, I vividly remember all the intense feelings of adolescence, all with your music as quite the kick-ass backdrop. Thanks! 🙂

Pumpkin Fairies & the Silver Boots

Kara Twin Peaks, CA, US

By some stroke of crappy EarthLink internet magic I was able to book tickets to the Roxy (Los Angeles) for the Mellon Collie club tour. I was 13. My best friend and I spent a full weekend shopping for outfits and for some reason white bloomers, a doo rag and a tube top seemed like the perfect outfit. We showed up early in the morning to wait in line. Someone offered us $800 per ticket which would’ve been a real game changer for Middle-School-Me, but we stayed the course.

Some adorable girls dressed as “Pumpkin Fairies” with wings and bags filled with cutouts of rubber stamps with the SP logo and little confetti, and they threw handfuls intermittently throughout the show.

Billy, you wore knee-high silver Docs and a black skirt, and I could’ve fainted for how wonderful it was. My friend and I were positively electrified, just in ecstasy. We were such massive fans, we knew every word to every song, and the performance was the best I’ve ever seen to this day.

Afterwards I met a Jewish kid at the bus stop who was a Godsmack Roadie and they were at the Rainbow Room. We took the same bus back to Venice and he walked me home and we became very very close friends. He came in and out of my life and we had a long distance love affair years later when he was an infantryman stationed in Iraq. I moved to Texas and greeted him at the airport when he cane home from deployment and we were very in love for one Summer and then it was over. Now he’s a used Ford salesman in Arkansas and we’re both married to other people—but every time I see his pictures with his customers on his used car social media, I remember that night and your album, and I feel all warm and fuzzy about it.

Thank you for that work of art. The aesthetic made a very lasting impression on me. It will always remain my #1 album.

My Screen-name

Chris Logan, UT, US

MCIS had such an impact on me that my screen-name (that I’ve used for the past 25 years) comes from my favorite line in my favorite song on the album.

Falling in love with MCIS

Christian Lee Bausch Las Vegas, Nevada, US

I first heard 1979 and loved it. In High School, my film studies teacher showed the music video for Tonight, Tonight, since it was inspired by a classic film. I felt a deep emotional connection to what I saw and heard. I listened to MCIS, and it resonated with me, becoming my favorite album ever.

DO PUSHUPS!

Mark Cooper St Louis, MO, US

After completing basic training at Fort Knox, KY, I was stationed at Fort Monmouth, NJ, for my AIT. It was early November, I had seen the video for “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” and was dying to get the new album. Unfortunately we were only 2 weeks into AIT and wouldn’t get an off post pass until 4 weeks. One day after lunch, myself and two of my platoon mates were hanging out in the common area with another platoon. Their Drill Sergeant entered the room. He was a menacing mass of muscles. “LISTEN UP!” he bellowed. “We’re going to do some PT, it’s not mandatory and you can stop whenever you like!” A devious smirk washed across his weathered face. “DO PUSHUPS!” Everyone dropped to the floor, full bellies groaning. “RELAX!” he called out and then almost immediately “DO PUSHUPS!” Bodies dropped to the floor again. “Remember, you can stop anytime”, he reminded us. The cycle repeated. Each time more people fell out. Until his entire platoon had stopped and only myself and my two platoon mates remained. He walked over to us, his massive feet leaving craters in the floor. “I’M IMPRESSED! YOU THREE HAVE EARNED THE REST OF THE DAY OFF AND PASSES OFF POST!” Oh my joy, my rapture! As we left the room to head for the bus station, i turned to see the Drill Sergeant, veins bulging in his neck as he addressed his soldiers. “YOU LET ANOTHER PLATOON SHOW YOU UP? DROP! THIS TIME IT IS MANDATORY!” We went to the mall, i got MCIS and listened to it on my walkman for the rest of the evening in my room. I can’t be for certain, but when I switched sides on the tape, i think i could still hear that Drill Sergeant yelling “DO PUSHUPS!” off in the distance late into the night.

1979

Umberto Padova, IT

The first years of high school we used to exchange gifts between school mates on the occasion of our birthdays. On Marco’s birthday, the money raised was used to buy Mellon. At that time I didn’t know the Pumpkins but, once I unwrapped the gift, scrolling through the titles, I noticed a track called 1979:  my year of birth. So, a few days later, I curiously borrowed the CDs from my friend and, boom, I was literally thunderstruck.

An introduction in the dark

Diana Ottawa, Ontario , CA

My cousin introduced me to MCIS when I was 12 years old, shortly after its release. She was staying at my house and my mom wouldn’t let us stay up and listen to it so we turned the lights off in my bedroom and listened to it in the dark. It was the perfect way to fully experience the album for the first time. 

Second hand smoke

Diana Ottawa, Ontario , CA

  • When we were 12, three of us bought tickets for the MCIS tour. We each told our parents that the other’s parents would accompany us to the concert. We were in the nose bleed section and there were people smoking weed in front of us. At one point they noticed us and one of them said “Put that out, man! There’s kids here!” 😉

They only come out…..a week early!

Ruben Albuquerque, US

We absolutely loved the Pumpkins! Anticipating the release  of MCIS, we would cruse alternative rock radio panting for a refreshing taste of ANYTHING Pumpkins….

A week before the album was scheduled to come out, I was listening to the radio at 7am when I suddenly heard “CALLER NUMBER 7 wins the new record from the Smashing Pumpkins !!!!”

I called and they answered:

“ YOU’RE CALLER NUMBER 7!!!!”

I picked up the CD set, and we had a listing party, we rocked, we laughed, we cried……!

Such a masterpiece! Love y’all!