Memories | The Smashing Pumpkins

Cupid De Locke

Mallary Nelson La Porte, TX, US

When I was in junior high, I was obsessed with Smashing Pumpkins (I still am). I would sit in my bath tub with Mellon Collie playing on repeat from start to finish. It would take me away from any stress going on in my life. I would zone out to “Bodies” and “Cupid De Locke”. The album has been there for me through my hardest times. I moved away to Montana and on my way to a ski town, I blared the album while watching the snow fall. I finally saw SP live last summer here in Houston and cried from pure happiness. This album gave me so much magic as a teen when I felt out of place at times and still takes me to a magical place any time I listen. Thank you for speaking to me in a language I can hear 😉

Soundtrack to my first crush

Wim Verpoorten BE

I was 14 years old when Mellon Collie came out, and soon afterwards had my first crush (during the summer of 1996). Apart from the whole album being a totally new musical experience for me on that young age, it was the softer songs that really got to me once I had this huge crush (which did not last too long unfortunately, another new and necessary experience!). I would listen to those songs endlessly while becoming more and more in love with that girl. Still to this day, all those songs bring me back to those days, to a period in my life where everything felt fresh, innocent and strangely out-of-reach in a way which was both hurting me and satisfying me in equal measure. You can tell it was during my puberty, can’t you? 🙂 This album holds a special place in my heart and always will.

It’s hard to find angels in hell

Francisco Guanajuato, MX

It’s just me and my best friend listening to MCIS in 2009 (High school), then he gave me the authentic guitar tab in 2015, probably the best gift ever.

The same year I played By Starlight to my wife when she said “Yes” to “Will you marry me?”

I’m 27 now, I’m still playing every single song.

“And I knew the silence of the world…”

Finite Sadness

Cam Miller Dayton, KY , US

I was not prepared for what Mellon Collie would do to my soul. My machine was not sad. My boredom was not in the bathroom. I was a young father. I was working two jobs. I was creating music and film every single day. And this opus dropped from the sky, guided by starlight The sounds shredded me. The visions awakened me. I was inspired. I continue to be.

Car Jouneys with my dad

Lauren Mallen Fife , GB

When I was a kid my dad used to play porcelina of the vast oceans in the car and would have it on the highest volume possible. We’d drive at night when he would pick me up from my mum’s, and I loved the way it would gradually build so I asked him to play it all the time. My favourite part was always the way Billy says “without a care in this whole world” because that’s exactly how I felt when I listened to it.

Guided Somewhere by Sadness

Dave Montreal, Quebec, CA

High school. 1995. A crush who didn’t reciprocate. Heartbreak scored by songs so sad I could barely listen at times. A song for everything I feel and am. Identifying absolutely with the album.Walking home at night singing and looking for flying mice…

The passage of time, eventually. The changing of meanings, but the continued importance of the work to me as I grow as a person: I customize my guitar after something familiar….

25 years later, I still sing “We Only Come Out At Night” to myself on the way home at dusk on cool fall evenings while I look for bats. I still identify. And when I do experience heartbreak now…it is still there for me.

Dawn To Dusk, Twilight to Starlight

Alfie Palermo Petaling Jaya, MY

This album was more than an album, it was a compass: whose lyrics were scrawled over torn jeans and cheap shoes, blew holes in my wallet on at least 4 occasions (twice on cassette, twice on CD), only to be lost and bartered to friends, weary but like-minded travellers looking for respite in the abstract algorithms of soft and loud, from dawn to dusk, twilight to starlight, played under different skies, in different lands, at different times, and even though I was always changing, always wandering – I was never lost. This was the compass that brought me home, reminded me of who I was, and who I may yet become – and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sum of Its Parts

Dustin Pierce Springdale, PA, US

I was a poor kid when MCIS came out, and didn’t have either a CD player or much disposable income. So between October of 95 and November of 96, I purchased the cassette singles as they were released. I grew to love not just the singles, but also the b-sides like Believe, Rotten Apples, and Transformer.

Christmas of 1996, my brothers and I received some off-brand discmans (discmen) and I received Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Beyond just listening to this epic, I also took the lyrics booklet to school, where I committed to memorizing the words between classes. It’s still in my regular rotation.

Childhood to Adulthood

Carmen Carver Asheville, NC, US

I was about 7, I was watching MTV music videos. Saw Tonight Tonight & fell in love with this band. From there, I bought my first CD, with my allowance – Melancholy. Best money EVER spent! I grew up listening to all of the album’s and enjoying the different moods each song and album portrayed. I attempted to get a ticket to the concert when they came to the orange peel. However, the website crashed and then refreshed to be sold out. I have always wanted nothing more then to see this band in concert but have never been so lucky. I’m mom now & my middle schooler also loves Pumpkins!

Thirty-Three

Santiago Suarez Morera Curridabat, CR

I am 16 years old and Thirty-Three has changed my whole life. Taught me how short life is, and every single day may be the last one. This song helped me in my toughest times. I learned to love what I have and appreciate it to the very last moment. I remembered when I was feeling sad, depressed and hopeless when my uncle introduced me to this song. I wanted to thank every single member who wrote and played the song. Thank you to the end of times.

Memories of Melancholy

Sarah Parker US

I listened to this album nonstop in high school and it will always be one of my favorites. It is just so soothing and got me through some tough times. The songs have a very unique and magical sound to them. I remember spending so much time playing video games with this album in the background on repeat. Loved every song but Thru The Eyes of Ruby is one of my all time favorite songs to this day.

MCIS Memory

Jennifer Lee Los Angeles, CA, US

I remember in high school I was obsessed with Smashing Pumpkins. From day to night that was all I listened to from Gish and Siamese Dreams. When MCIS was about to be released i convinced my dad into buying the album during the midnight of the release at Virgin Megastore on Sunset. I waited for him to come home that night to bring the album home. When I finally got the album in my hands I cried for joy and listened to it for years and years. It was the soundtrack to my high school years. I went through bullying and depression and it helped me thru some tough times. I am so grateful to have experienced such an amazing album from beginning to the end. It still stands the test of time.

How MCIS introduced me to the wonderful SP’s music

Montserrat Baez Puebla, MX

I was a child when MCIS came out, but my first memory of the album is from 1998 when I heard “Tonight tonight” on MTV while swapping the channels. I was mesmerized for both the song and the video, and it was my very first experiencie listening to SP. Eventually, as I grew older, SP became my favorite band and every song means so much to me. I bought MCIS many years later but definitely it remains one of my favorite SP’s album ever.

A black star appears, a point of darkness in the night sky’s clarity.

Megan St. Paul, MN, US

My first Zero T-shirt was too large for me. Everything’s a metaphor. It took more than 2 decades before I fully “got” the album that defined my teenaged life. Because how can you “get” a song like TTEOR at 13?

But that’s the beauty of the music, it moves in the spaces between. And when it’s really magical, it can transcend the limitations of the listener’s point of view. It can save you, hold you, pull you through an infinite sadness to the rest of your life.

Some objects of art are alchemy. Some play by different rules of space-time. Some hold the power to reshape narratives. Some are glimpses into other worlds. Some are god in a clay pot.

Love at first sight

Annisa Jakarta, ID

I first saw the Tonight, Tonight v-clip on MTV Asia. I was 12-13 years old and was completely mesmerized by the music and performance. I fell in love with SP ever since and never looked back. MCIS CDs (and cassettes!) are among my most treasured collection and the songs always bring me back to that early adolescent days, happily finding my love for music. Thank you for being a soundtrack of my life.

A little girl found her way

Elisa Bologna , IT

I was 9 years old when MCIS came out. I went to the record shop and bought the cassette for my father birthday. He liked it so much, we used to listen to it eveyday. It shortly became MY cassette, i just couldn’t stop listening to it. That album made me become the woman i’m today. Thanks for meaning that much to me! Much love <3

From the past making the future that never gets old.

Josue Stein Madrid, ES

Dear Congratulations on this great achievement. I remember seeing on the TV news, in Venezuela, the launch of Tonight Tonight in 1995. When listening to this whole album, I always discover something new, feelings, sounds, hidden melodies. Its sound is … I don’t know how to write it. It’s a very passive aggressive sound, a lot of sarcasm, the humor within a Big Muff slap. As a beautiful and intelligent woman, she always brings good things. Thanks a lot. Many good times while practicing aggressive skating, friends, feelings. I hope to see you in Madrid when it can be played again.

Early 20s visions, feelings and dreams

Javi Garcia Madrid, ES

MCIS simply reminds me quite clear those early twenty years old,… when I used to listen daily MCIS simply because it really was explaining what was happening to me … some kind of sadness, rage, strugle, broken beliefs, broken dreams, … with lots of strength and energy. Sons like bullet with butterfly wings, zero, an ode to no one, love, bodies, xyu, tonight tonight, 1979 where the “soul” of thoose days.

Of course I can remember how MCIS came to me… lots of people, events, circunstances where pushing me to buy this misterious record.

Jay n Steph’s party

April Santa Rosa, CA, US

Ok, this is bad. And good. I remember looking at the album artwork at my friend’s party, realizing I never bought it. Me, who saw gish live on Haight St. I was a devout fan from the moment I heard SP. But this friend had sent my future husband in for a haircut. We lived music. We fell madly in love to music. Both secretly on drugs, til we confessed. The songs swirled through the air all around us, but in love on drugs I never bought it. It was larger than life, so I heard it. This friend and I traded SP stories that night. He loved music as much as I did. I think all of us connected on the way we loved music obsessively. This album is that friend, that era, that party, that realization that I missed buying music I loved because I was in love. The love drug.

I write this now, so many years later. 1 month separated. Living in a rabbit hole of my own isolated creation. Solitude. I want to feel what that album conveyed. It’s time to buy that album.

I miss SF and Juanca, Dina and The Smile House. How does my house have no name? Where has my creativity gone? Lost but not dead yet, this will help revive. Me. Thank you for the music.

Smashing Pumpkins - Memories!