Absolutely pivotal

Kevin Lennon Brisbane, Australia, AU

When I was 10 I loved Rhinoceros whenever it came on the weekend music shows. When I was 12 I had a copy of Disarm & played it until the tape died. But when I was 13, Mellon Collie flicked a switch in my brain that turned me into a musician, helped me accept being an outsider & turned me into me.

1995

Josh Anderson, IN, US

Jr. year of high school, 1995.  Had been listening to SP for over a year now.  Had finally gotten past the death of Kurt and was wanting something new.   Heard Gish, Siamese Dream, and Pisces…loved it all.   First saw it he video of “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” on MTV and had found what I had been searching for as a 16 year old kid could.  Blown the fuck away by the visuals and sounds.  When Mellon Collie finally dropped, my mom bought the album on cassette tapes, and they were played to death.  That album helped shape who I would become later in life.  I still have the first CD copy of it. This band, their music has saved me from myself numerous times, even to this day.  I’ll forever be grateful for them saving me even though “I still believe that I cannot be saved”.

Misery Into Madness

Nic DeWitt, IL, US

I found MCIS in the basement of my stepdad’s house. I would listen to it on repeat, summers at a time. It raised my head far enough above the water to keep from drowning in the misery of a delusional opioid addicted mother, a father who didn’t care to be around, and the crushing weight of raising 6 siblings while my stepdad worked away the afternoons. This beautiful music also kept me from losing it for six years in the navy. Now, I listen to SP to drown the world away while I trudge towards… something.

Not Just A Memory

BEBANG CEBU, PH

It’s not just  a memory because I’m still listening to my records  up until now and you guys never fail. Thanks a lot. One of my personal favorite’s. 

Love

Tracy US

Mcis represents the meeting the my first love. Listening to the album always makes me think of him. Wonderful memories of youth. 

Riff

Allan Coremans Cowaramup Western Australia , AU

My first ever guitar riff I learnt was 1979 the rest is history…

I wouldn’t be here without it.

Mandy Dayton Spanish Fork, Utah, US

So the video was of me at 13. I’m on the right. It’s kind of embarrassing but there wasn’t SP merch around my rural town back then. I wish I had a ZERO pic to share! Anyway, my story begins years earlier when I was 11 in ‘95.  I was tormented in school and abused at home. There was no safe place for me until I was borrowed Mellon Collie. I cradled my radio and cried through both albums over and over. There was anger, beauty, love, unrequited love, loneliness, sadness and gorgeous imagery to lose myself to.  Billy and SP have been my sanctuary ever since. It encouraged me to pick up a guitar at 15 and teach myself to play tabs and piano. I went though 3 Mellon Collie books from carrying them around so much and writing notes in them in high school. I slept outside for 3 nights in freezing weather to see SP perform when I was 15 at a small music store. I later got 5 SP hearts tattooed on me, had a daughter and named her Starla after Billy because without him I would have killed myself and she would have never been born. A couple of  years later, instead of The Wedding March, I walked down the isle to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness to my husband who met me because of our love of SP. That album has helped me get through so many amazing and very hard times in my life. The last good memory I have of my mom before she died 2 years ago was going to the rest home and playing SP songs off that album for her because she was the only one who ever encouraged and indulged my love of your music. It made her so happy.  She couldn’t say many things after her first stroke almost 8 years before but she talked about “guitar” and “Billy” among a few other things to me quite often. You’ve all meant so much to me and my family and I’m so proud I can take my kids to your concerts now. I’m here because of you and especially Mellon Collie and so are they. Thank you eternally. 

Love

Tracy North Carolina , US

My first love and I listened to the album over and over again. He plays guitar and used to play and sing to me on the phone. Especially tonight, tonight. I don’t know if the timing was wrong or what but we never actually dated but we loved each other. To this day when I hear songs from mcis, I feel the way I felt then. I was 15 and I love him to this day. I guess part of me will always be Mellon collie, longing for the love I missed. 

Echo of souls Outside Intelligence

Jeff H Ontarii, CA

Very recently, I’ve come to remember the true meaning of song. This album in 2002 first got me to realize this while I was living somewhere against my will due to drug addiction. I felt I was singing the deepest truths of souls in unision with an intelligence outside not from this world every lyric perfectly defined by inside/outside context us trying to message each other.  Us, just singing to each other across worlds in secret code wrapped in infinite love.  Also wrapped in infinite sadness by the state of this world. Earth, which I begged to leave, not knowing why I’m here, what I’m supposed to do or who sent me but instead I’m force-fed a life of circumstance that I hate. The song Muzzle, at least reminded me hope is real, I’ve sang it countless times in my head before ever listening to it on cd.  The sadness, the aloneness I feel that is with always just echoing back <> forth with unbearable torture of the soul <> unbearable infinite love.<3 </3 <3  not ‘human sexual’ love – but nothing short of the raw essence of infinity. 

it’s who you wanted to be

Ana US

There are many memories associated with this band and this album in particular. Some were sad or frustrating and some were beautiful or an absolute invocation of the concept of infinity; but, most of my memories were of me: sat, on the floor, in front of my stereo, reading the lyrics. 

Thank you for the… expansion of consciousness. Cheers! 

Nostalgia

Liz Dispari Briançon, FR

1979. Heard it on K104 while driving to school & remember rushing to a record store to buy the album. generationX was instantly captured in each word of MCIS. It Spoke  a state of mind no other generation can understand nor relate to.

My parents were divorced & we lived in France with our mother. I made it back home to NY for college & remember taking the road with some friends heading to Willow Street club, in Rye. That club started so many punk, garage bands…& 1979 came on, & it felt as if the car was flying.

It spoke to me in terms of nostalgia even then. Because I knew that feeling of freedom would soon give in to the pain of having to leave the US. The past is never far when I hear the album.

” With the headlights pointed at the dawn, We were sure we’d never see an end to it all“.

Coming of Age/Never Growing Up

Jovic PH

It was the end of summer 1994. Next week I was going to be a high school freshman. Everyone I knew was into other bands like Guns and Roses, Pearl Jam, or Nirvana. I was kind of dabbling in that scene as well, well, just as far as what we got on MTV.  I one day switched on the TV and caught the image of this pale, creepy man in silver pants with bad teeth, and a band playing in what seemed like an apocalyptic mosh pit. It was the video for “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”. The video was halfway done,  I wondered what the song was about? The rest of the week I waited for the video to run again, then I finally caught it. I relished the video from beginning to end, couldn’t get enough of that Pumpkins sound. Freshman year was awkward to say the least, the transitioning to your full teenage years is a messed up(In fact the whole time I was in high school my whole impression of it was “despite all my rage”…well I know for sure Pumpkins fans know the rest) . It was a month that went by I until I heard a new song, It was Zero, then I heard 1979 a few weeks later. That’s it I was hooked, I went to the music stores to buy the full album. Mind you it was 1994, music stores only stocked what was on the radio back then, The Pumpkins weren’t as well known where I lived. Long story short MCIS was the first Pumpkins album I ever got. It was in cassette. If anyone asks about my taste in music, I tell them I’m stuck in 1994.

The high price of trying to be cool

Katharina Essen , DE

Ever since spending my xmas vacation in Florida in 1992, when I was just ten years old, the whole Grunge and Alternative music scene has been a huge part of my life. Fast forward to the year 2000 and my second time in the US as a highschool student, this German teen really wanted to be cool and tough and what not. So what did I do, staying in the state of Illinois and even visiting Chicago, hometown to one of a very few bands I still love today: Giving away all my SP cd’s, including MCIS of course, to the youngest son of my host mother for christmas. Great idea back then after I got more into metal and thought that anything without a doublebass wasn’t right for me anymore. If I could I would travel back in time and hold on to these prescious records. Some of them I repurchsed by now, the only one still missing from my current collection is Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, which makes me melancholic and sad *sigh* 

Love songs and metal riffs

Sam Wartenbee Eugene, OR, US

Tonight, Tonight was the first video I saw from my all-time favorite album. I later recorded In The Arms of Sleep for my wife, and eventually a whole set, including Ode and XYU! I cried tears of joy when the In Plainsong tour opened with Stumbleine!

The most important album

Aleksi Tampere, FI

I was around 10 when I first heard it. Took a while but it’s the first album I truly fell in love with and still listen to it frequently. It changed my life and not just the way I perceive the concept of music but also what it can look like. Have bought it thrice now. 

In the Navy

Becky Santa Barbara, California , US

When it came out, my older brother was in Japan serving in the US Navy. He heard I was a Pumpkins fan and sent me the album. I already had purchased it, but it worked out because I kept one in my CD player, and one in my discman. It was also the first album I ever purchased for myself.

Discovering the Pumpkins

MIGUEL VIGO, ES

A friend  of mine played Jelly Belly and was the first song I´ve heard from the Pumpkins. Totally blew my mind. After that became the soundtrack of my life.

I’m getting old

Jovic PH

I messed up my last submission, It was 1996!

Dream & Discovery

Gina Hobart, Tasmania , AU

Young, life, feeling stuck and wanting to see the world. MCIS defined a time of new love, living life large, dreaming and discovery.

Totally in Sync with the Culture

Jack Lowe Addison, IL, US

I bought the album the week it was released. My favorite track is “Tonight, Tonight.” It felt so vindicating—a major creative statement by my favorite band. My most skeptical friends knew, now, that the Pumpkins were no flash in the pan. That they were Chicago people made it even better—Seattle had no monopoly on great music. Most of all, it was a Generation X touchstone. For the first and only time in my life, I felt in tune with the culture and with people my age. We’d been so maligned and ignored. Here was proof that the boomers didn’t own rock. Thanks, Corgan and Company, for that experience.

Embers Never Fade

Shane Church Hill, TN, US

This album is very special to me. So much so I’ve bought it at least 6 times for various reasons. This was the soundtrack to my coming of age, easily dominating my CD player since its introduction ( second only to the greatest album of all time. Siamese Dream). Mellon Collie is one of those rare gems you simply don’t skip tracks. You listen to the whole thing straight through and let every lyric, every note resonate within your soul. I’ve laughed, cried, and endlessly pondered to this album. Can’t imagine a life without Smashing Pumpkins. Thank you all for all you do. Billy, you are my favorite poet and guitarist of all time! Much love to you all from TN!

Sweet & Bitter

Emmanuel Garcia Haverhill , US

Thirty-Three is a very personal song to me. I found out of Smashing Pumpkins out of pure luck. I stumbled upon the album “ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness “ in a very dark place. I had been going through such difficult times with depression in the summer of 2018.   I was contemplating suicide. All I remembered was this beautiful song from Smashing Pumpkins called “ Thirty-Three “. I had played the song in the background and burst into tears because the song gave me courage. It gave me hope. It gave me another view of life. I had soon listened to more music from them and grew very attached to them. I could not have done it without their music. It’s been two years and every time I listen to “ Thirty-three “ it always brings me to tears. I love Smashing Pumpkins!

breakups

Jenna Murfreesboro, TN, US

Every single breakup I’ve gone through, this album has infinitely helped me. I grew up listening to it, so every time I hear it, it’s like a warm hug.

Basement

Jason Stafford, VA, US

I was in quarantine when I got a gargantuan Smashing Pumpkins kick. I couldn’t stop listening to Siamese Dream and Gish, so I decided to listen to MCIS. I went through it in 1 day and it became one if my favorite albums. I absolutely love the band and this album.

BC signing my Mellon Collie… CD

Cynthia Anaheim, CA, US

My sister and I met Billy at NAMM a few years back. I was able to talk to him about his trip to Disneyland. My friend was his tour guide in that famous picture. She told me that he was totally sweet and made her part of their group. He told me to say hi to her. 🙂 And he signed one of my favorite CDs of all time.

The Resurgency of Now

Vince Paradise, Newfoundland, CA

In high school (1996), I was making out with a friend of mine, and 1979 was playing on her radio. It was awesome.