That night..

Abby Chicago, IL, US

My favorite MCIS memory will always be standing in line at Tower Records on Clark shortly before the midnight release. I was with my late husband and our almost two year old son (he was in his pajamas) and I remember it being windy and cold so I went back to sit in the car with my son. We had luckily found parking right in front so I was able to see everyone waiting patiently in line. As my husband walked back to the car after purchasing the hefty double cd, I could see the excitement on his face as he exclaimed, “ I got you a T-shirt!” We drove home and I remember not getting much sleep that night because I had to listen to the album in its entirety, I also remember the beautiful artwork that filled the liner notes and lyrics. Now I know we might not have got the “parent of the year” award for taking a toddler out in the middle of the night but to this day I have no regrets. I must’ve listened to that album at least a million times in the past 25 years and it never gets old. My son went on to become a musician and holds SP near and dear to his heart, we speak of that night often and how crazy he thought we were for taking him. 

Memories of my love

Winnie IN

When I was in my first year of University, I was just becoming friends with a boy who was obsessed with SP. No,really. He wouldn’t shut up about it. He’d mention lyrics from songs in his day to day speech and never fail to remind me of Jimmy Chamberlain’s genius. My music taste at the time was something I was still trying to figure out- I guess I was sick of listening to the repetitive beat of most songs and was looking for new interests I could develop on.Mellon Collie was one of the first few songs that I listened to, along with a bunch of others from Siamese Dream and I fell in love with the band. Agreed, my initial fascination with the band was a result of me developing a little crush on this boy, but later, I not only started to find some of my now favourite songs on MCIS, but also a way through which I could hold conversation with this guy and make him come out of his shell a little bit. Conversation flowed, we talked about SP for hours on end and he sent me endless videos and interviews of the band which set the tone for our conversation for days. I visited him once and I remember just sitting in his room, basked in the warm glow of blue light and listening to 1979 that day. It was incredible. After months of bonding over Jellybelly and recording his covers of Thru the eyes of Ruby, it was evident how much we liked the music AND each other. It’s been over 2 years since we met and a year since we’ve been together, and it is still quite an experience to witness this former shy boy do his dance while singing “the world is a vampire…” as I look at him from my corner of the bed. 

Becoming a Man with Music

Alan Passman Lakewood, CA, US

In ’95, something wonderful happened. I had my Bar Mitzvah and got a $25 gift certificate. I used it the day MCIS came out. Listening, I remember thinking, “I have a favorite band now.” This is 10th Grade-me about 3 years later in a bootleg shirt from the MCIS-era when I first saw the band.

A possible piece of MCIS history from southern Illinois

Brandon Metropolis, US

This cassette was given to me by a friend who is a care giver here in Metropolis. It was passed to her by someone who knew Billy’s grandmother and also his uncle James, as Karnak and Metropolis were home to them,  I have no way to prove it is legit, but this cassette was supposedly given to Billy’s grandmother by Billy. I’m gonna believe that it’s legit and it will always be taken care of. It only amplifies the love I have for the album itself.

Headlight Pointed at the Dawn

Brian Passey Phoenix, AZ, US

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness was released shortly after my 17th birthday, and it quickly became the soundtrack to my junior year of high school. Every time I hear “1979,” I’m whisked back in time to a particular memory of cruising around rural Idaho with friends in my father’s 1995 Camaro.

The Colors of 1996

Ruther Sabah, MY

At the record store back in November 1995, I was holding MCIS and Green Day’s Insomniac. Since I was born far out in North Borneo, Pumpkins was new to me while Green Day was sort of controlling the magazines and the mtv at that time. Mysteriously and weirdly, I chose MCIS. For the first week, I had trouble absorbing the songs. Come into the second week, it started to grow on me and I began to love Bullet, XYU, Bodies and all the heavy songs. Fast forward to 1998, it still colored my daily life while I was waiting for the release of Adore. Thank you, Smashing Pumpkins. MCIS will always be my top 3 favorite albums of all time. The way the self titled intro set the mood for Tonight, Tonight and how the rest of the songs navigate from heavy to alternative to folk and vice versa, it’s a complete journey of an album pure of passion, joy, dreams and love.

Alexandra & Maddison

Maddison Gyolea Bellbridge, Victoria, AU

I met my partner Alex in a math class in 10th grade, caught her attention by drawing MCIS album art on the desk and in my math-book. We went to Melbourne, listened to 1979 on the rooftop of the hotel that we stayed in. Due to covid-19 I haven’t been able to see her in 11 months, though for our anniversary I sent her a star map that has the stars from the night we were in Melbourne ‘June 2nd 12:01 am’ (our anniversary) and the words “Shakedown 1979, cool kids never have the time. On a live wire right up off the street, You and I should meet”.

Planning on having our first dance to it at our wedding ♡

– Maddison Gyoles

My first favourite album

Danny Iskandar Petaling Jaya, MY

Growing up I’ve never had a favourite band. I first heard of SP when I was 11 from a show I was watching on Animal Planet called Whale wars (which is my favourite show at that time) and they used the track bullets with butterfly wings for the show’s intro and the song blew my 11 year old mind and I became obsessed with the track. Whale wars would air on animal planet at exactly 7pm everyday but 6pm was my study time so what I would do is I would finish my studies quickly and hope that by the time I finished my homework, I get to turn on the TV at the right moment so I could hear that sweet intro. In Malaysia, hearing SP on the radio is almost impossible the only way us to surf the Internet but, my family doesn’t have a home computer at that time so one day I begged my dad to take me to his office so I could use the computer there and what a day it is. I searched for the lyrics online but because of my basic knowledge of the English language at that age I can barely understand anything at all but it didn’t stop me from screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. After hours of searching I finally got the name of the album of where the track was from. I saw the track list and went ahead and searched every single track after that and the other track blew my mind even further. Porcelina of the Vast Oceans is probably the first track ever to gave me goosebumps and I’ve never felt anything like it before. Jellybelly, Here’s no why and XYU made me go crazy obsessed with SP and MCIS. Although at that time the softer tracks like Thirty three, we only come out at night, 1979, Cupid de Locke, Tonight tonight didn’t really caught my attention at that time, it slowly grew over the months. MCIS is the first album where I’ve listened to it front and back. To this day I can never get a hold of a physical copy and the closest thing I got to finding a physical SP album was the Zwan album I found at my local record store. Maybe one day I’ll own one. The Smashing Pumpkins was my first favourite and it still is to this day and MCIS is my all time favourites. I couldn’t thank SP enough for creating this masterpiece. This album was the one that introduced me to the wonderful and magical world of music. 

1979 me to sleep

Clement jimel Kuching, Sarawak, MY

The album and the song (1979) is the theme that got me going when i was in my teen. The song guides me through life difficulties and i felt that i was given wings to fly whenever the song is up on air. 

Mellon Collie and Me

Alex Mechanicsburg, PA, US

I remember I first heard of MCIS around when I turned 13.  At that point, I knew I needed it!  I eventually bought it at the age of 14 alongside “Live Shit: Bing & Purge” by Metallica.  MCIS was also the first double album I got on CD and there’s no album like it!  I once listened to it on a two-hour round trip!  I listened to “Dawn to Dusk” on the way over and “Twilight to Starlight” on the way back and that’s something I’ll never regret doing!  About a month ago, I was watching “Rock Block” on MTVClassic and the music video for “1979” came on, resulting in me leaving the water for my tea in the microwave longer than needed!  Long story short, MCIS is the best album ever and if it was a single album, I don’t know how good it would have been!

In my eyes I burn alive ,Fly like a bird No more words just you and I High in the sky …

Simona Occulto Italy, US

When i was 18 years old my absolute favorite t-shirt is Zero and my middle name was Starla

Absolutely pivotal

Kevin Lennon Brisbane, Australia, AU

When I was 10 I loved Rhinoceros whenever it came on the weekend music shows. When I was 12 I had a copy of Disarm & played it until the tape died. But when I was 13, Mellon Collie flicked a switch in my brain that turned me into a musician, helped me accept being an outsider & turned me into me.

1995

Josh Anderson, IN, US

Jr. year of high school, 1995.  Had been listening to SP for over a year now.  Had finally gotten past the death of Kurt and was wanting something new.   Heard Gish, Siamese Dream, and Pisces…loved it all.   First saw it he video of “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” on MTV and had found what I had been searching for as a 16 year old kid could.  Blown the fuck away by the visuals and sounds.  When Mellon Collie finally dropped, my mom bought the album on cassette tapes, and they were played to death.  That album helped shape who I would become later in life.  I still have the first CD copy of it. This band, their music has saved me from myself numerous times, even to this day.  I’ll forever be grateful for them saving me even though “I still believe that I cannot be saved”.

Misery Into Madness

Nic DeWitt, IL, US

I found MCIS in the basement of my stepdad’s house. I would listen to it on repeat, summers at a time. It raised my head far enough above the water to keep from drowning in the misery of a delusional opioid addicted mother, a father who didn’t care to be around, and the crushing weight of raising 6 siblings while my stepdad worked away the afternoons. This beautiful music also kept me from losing it for six years in the navy. Now, I listen to SP to drown the world away while I trudge towards… something.

Not Just A Memory

BEBANG CEBU, PH

It’s not just  a memory because I’m still listening to my records  up until now and you guys never fail. Thanks a lot. One of my personal favorite’s. 

Love

Tracy US

Mcis represents the meeting the my first love. Listening to the album always makes me think of him. Wonderful memories of youth. 

Riff

Allan Coremans Cowaramup Western Australia , AU

My first ever guitar riff I learnt was 1979 the rest is history…

I wouldn’t be here without it.

Mandy Dayton Spanish Fork, Utah, US

So the video was of me at 13. I’m on the right. It’s kind of embarrassing but there wasn’t SP merch around my rural town back then. I wish I had a ZERO pic to share! Anyway, my story begins years earlier when I was 11 in ‘95.  I was tormented in school and abused at home. There was no safe place for me until I was borrowed Mellon Collie. I cradled my radio and cried through both albums over and over. There was anger, beauty, love, unrequited love, loneliness, sadness and gorgeous imagery to lose myself to.  Billy and SP have been my sanctuary ever since. It encouraged me to pick up a guitar at 15 and teach myself to play tabs and piano. I went though 3 Mellon Collie books from carrying them around so much and writing notes in them in high school. I slept outside for 3 nights in freezing weather to see SP perform when I was 15 at a small music store. I later got 5 SP hearts tattooed on me, had a daughter and named her Starla after Billy because without him I would have killed myself and she would have never been born. A couple of  years later, instead of The Wedding March, I walked down the isle to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness to my husband who met me because of our love of SP. That album has helped me get through so many amazing and very hard times in my life. The last good memory I have of my mom before she died 2 years ago was going to the rest home and playing SP songs off that album for her because she was the only one who ever encouraged and indulged my love of your music. It made her so happy.  She couldn’t say many things after her first stroke almost 8 years before but she talked about “guitar” and “Billy” among a few other things to me quite often. You’ve all meant so much to me and my family and I’m so proud I can take my kids to your concerts now. I’m here because of you and especially Mellon Collie and so are they. Thank you eternally. 

Love

Tracy North Carolina , US

My first love and I listened to the album over and over again. He plays guitar and used to play and sing to me on the phone. Especially tonight, tonight. I don’t know if the timing was wrong or what but we never actually dated but we loved each other. To this day when I hear songs from mcis, I feel the way I felt then. I was 15 and I love him to this day. I guess part of me will always be Mellon collie, longing for the love I missed. 

Echo of souls Outside Intelligence

Jeff H Ontarii, CA

Very recently, I’ve come to remember the true meaning of song. This album in 2002 first got me to realize this while I was living somewhere against my will due to drug addiction. I felt I was singing the deepest truths of souls in unision with an intelligence outside not from this world every lyric perfectly defined by inside/outside context us trying to message each other.  Us, just singing to each other across worlds in secret code wrapped in infinite love.  Also wrapped in infinite sadness by the state of this world. Earth, which I begged to leave, not knowing why I’m here, what I’m supposed to do or who sent me but instead I’m force-fed a life of circumstance that I hate. The song Muzzle, at least reminded me hope is real, I’ve sang it countless times in my head before ever listening to it on cd.  The sadness, the aloneness I feel that is with always just echoing back <> forth with unbearable torture of the soul <> unbearable infinite love.<3 </3 <3  not ‘human sexual’ love – but nothing short of the raw essence of infinity. 

it’s who you wanted to be

Ana US

There are many memories associated with this band and this album in particular. Some were sad or frustrating and some were beautiful or an absolute invocation of the concept of infinity; but, most of my memories were of me: sat, on the floor, in front of my stereo, reading the lyrics. 

Thank you for the… expansion of consciousness. Cheers! 

Nostalgia

Liz Dispari Briançon, FR

1979. Heard it on K104 while driving to school & remember rushing to a record store to buy the album. generationX was instantly captured in each word of MCIS. It Spoke  a state of mind no other generation can understand nor relate to.

My parents were divorced & we lived in France with our mother. I made it back home to NY for college & remember taking the road with some friends heading to Willow Street club, in Rye. That club started so many punk, garage bands…& 1979 came on, & it felt as if the car was flying.

It spoke to me in terms of nostalgia even then. Because I knew that feeling of freedom would soon give in to the pain of having to leave the US. The past is never far when I hear the album.

” With the headlights pointed at the dawn, We were sure we’d never see an end to it all“.

Coming of Age/Never Growing Up

Jovic PH

It was the end of summer 1994. Next week I was going to be a high school freshman. Everyone I knew was into other bands like Guns and Roses, Pearl Jam, or Nirvana. I was kind of dabbling in that scene as well, well, just as far as what we got on MTV.  I one day switched on the TV and caught the image of this pale, creepy man in silver pants with bad teeth, and a band playing in what seemed like an apocalyptic mosh pit. It was the video for “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”. The video was halfway done,  I wondered what the song was about? The rest of the week I waited for the video to run again, then I finally caught it. I relished the video from beginning to end, couldn’t get enough of that Pumpkins sound. Freshman year was awkward to say the least, the transitioning to your full teenage years is a messed up(In fact the whole time I was in high school my whole impression of it was “despite all my rage”…well I know for sure Pumpkins fans know the rest) . It was a month that went by I until I heard a new song, It was Zero, then I heard 1979 a few weeks later. That’s it I was hooked, I went to the music stores to buy the full album. Mind you it was 1994, music stores only stocked what was on the radio back then, The Pumpkins weren’t as well known where I lived. Long story short MCIS was the first Pumpkins album I ever got. It was in cassette. If anyone asks about my taste in music, I tell them I’m stuck in 1994.

The high price of trying to be cool

Katharina Essen , DE

Ever since spending my xmas vacation in Florida in 1992, when I was just ten years old, the whole Grunge and Alternative music scene has been a huge part of my life. Fast forward to the year 2000 and my second time in the US as a highschool student, this German teen really wanted to be cool and tough and what not. So what did I do, staying in the state of Illinois and even visiting Chicago, hometown to one of a very few bands I still love today: Giving away all my SP cd’s, including MCIS of course, to the youngest son of my host mother for christmas. Great idea back then after I got more into metal and thought that anything without a doublebass wasn’t right for me anymore. If I could I would travel back in time and hold on to these prescious records. Some of them I repurchsed by now, the only one still missing from my current collection is Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, which makes me melancholic and sad *sigh* 

Love songs and metal riffs

Sam Wartenbee Eugene, OR, US

Tonight, Tonight was the first video I saw from my all-time favorite album. I later recorded In The Arms of Sleep for my wife, and eventually a whole set, including Ode and XYU! I cried tears of joy when the In Plainsong tour opened with Stumbleine!

The most important album

Aleksi Tampere, FI

I was around 10 when I first heard it. Took a while but it’s the first album I truly fell in love with and still listen to it frequently. It changed my life and not just the way I perceive the concept of music but also what it can look like. Have bought it thrice now.