Memories | The Smashing Pumpkins

My Introduction to Alternative Music

Braxton Scottdale, US

The first time I ever heard of the Smashing Pumpkins I was twelve years old and we had just got cable for the first time and I happened to be

watching a little unknown channel that used to play music videos, MTV, I think it was called, suddenly I see this guy with a top hat singing a love song in a starry sky in the midst of what was to my mind as a recreation of an old silent movie, which was weird but charming at the same time. This wasn’t rock music which was ‘cool’ but a epic orchestral ballad that I thought was unabashedly earnest and sentimental which I didn’t quite understand so I made a dismissive remark about it, not unlike what our MTV heroes Beavis and Butthead would say, to which my older brother, who was the absolute authority of what was cool in music at the time said “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I like it” I was baffled. But then I had heard their heavy songs “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” and “Zero” and again I was like “How the hell does a band do something so heavy and then turn around and do a song like “Tonight, Tonight”? I bought the double album “Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness” and it seemed like a Herculean task listening to all this music but I did it and suddenly I was touched in a way that was both familiar and completely alien to me. Emotions I wasn’t quite used to. The anger and the heartbreak and the ecstasy. I was swept away by poetry of Billy Corgan lyrics. The vocabulary so sophisticated I had to look up the definitions of words he was singing but the universal feeling was always evident. All the freaks and all the ghouls hogged down together in ritual and ceremony. The notion of star crossed lovers. The idea of true love out there somewhere waiting for me to discover it and discover it years later I did and suddenly all the songs took on a different shade once which was black and white now coated in startling gray. This album, this band was responsible for opening up a third eye of artistic and creative expression that at first burned slowly and steadily into a fiery blaze that still engulfs my heart and my soul.

My everything

Jill Waterbury Center, US

I’ve listened to this album on repeat continuously. So much so that it has become the soundtrack of who I am. As I drove through the streets of my hometown screaming from my car that I’m still just a rat in a cage. As I laid in fields gazing at stars with Tonight whispering across my lips. Hearing Cupid De Lock in my head as I took my first kiss. Feeling seen as I listened to Muzzle and cut my scars to see them bleed because I was broken but meant for this world. But mostly the day I walked down the aisle to it’s title track and sung it as a lullaby to each of my life’s greatest accomplishments. This album is the murmur of my soul.

KROQ to CHICAGO

Norma Soto Los Angeles, California, US

The memory I will be with me forever because this was my first ever concert. I won the tickets from KROQ radio station. Full paid trip to Chicago, Hotel stay and some spending money. This was the best experience ever. Still own the CD given to me on my trip to the concert truely a one of a kind experience. Thank you for sharing your music with us.

Pumpkins in the Garden, pt.1

Brian HOWELL, NJ, US

September 1996. Just 2 short months after the rescheduled show, it was going to happen. Mellon Collie, the soundtrack to senior year, was about to take center stage and we were going to “the city” to see Pumpkins in the Garden. High in the rafters, that night was incredible. The Pumpkins were more than smashing and it is forever etched into my memory, from the piano’s opening notes to the amazing Porcelina –> Rocket segue and through the epic Silverf*ck jam, the night meant everything. The Pumpkins mean the world to me and this evening, I thought would forever be my favorite tsp moment. It turns out that would come on the floor of the Garden, 22 years later. July 2018 alongside my 10 year old daughter as we cheered on “our band” during the SAOSB Tour and we sang along together all night. Passing the music to the next generation…

The World You Can’t Live Without

Brian Philadelphia Pa, US

I was a few months out of High School and struggling to find my through my high school heart aches while struggling my way through my first semester of college. I thought my teen angst was over and behind me, but my late teens and early twenties would provide similar trials and tribulations as well as heart breaks. I remember listening to Mellon Collie on several nights and walks and putting all of my fears and sadness and hopes for the future into the songs. I remember listening to “Muzzle” on many occasions and fearing if I would ever make something of myself., “I fear that I, Am ordinary just like everyone, To lie here, and die, Among the sorrows…” . Would I find the right girl to settle down with, would I have a family, would I get my degree, would I have a career and be successful and whether or not I would make the right decisions. “I knew the emptiness of youth, And I knew, the solitude of heart…”. In July of 2018, I attended the reunion concert in Philadelphia and it will forever be one the greatest most amazing concerts I have ever attended. Hearing the songs that got me through my teen angst and seeing James and Billy together again was such a memorable moment in time. The moment that will forever sir with me however is when they closed the show with “Muzzle” singing along with the rest of the crowd and that final bridge and closing verse really hit me that night. I thought back to myself over 20 years ago listening to that song and being scared, depressed, uncertain and heartbroken and than here I was in 2018, 41 years old, best shape of my life, a wife and 4 kids at home, a career and a Masters Degree. I had made it, my fears didn’t come true but my dreams did. “And the world, is drawn into your hands, And the world is etched upon your heart, And the world, so hard to understand, is the world you can’t live without…” Thank you for being my best friend on many nights when I felt like I had no one to turn too, thank you for helping me become who I am today.

“Now that the posers are gone…”

Robby Musso Metairie, LA, US

Saw the Pumpkins at the end of the Mellon Collie tour in 1997 in New Orleans. I remember the band wanted to end the tour here because it was during Mardi Gras season and everyone wanted to celebrate after. So it was the last show. At the end, when the lights went out, a lot of people left (not us!). But after what felt like 10 full minutes, SP came back out on stage and Billy said, “Now that the posers are gone, we can really jam” and they all just improvised jazz rock style for another hour. It was incredible. I feel so fortunate to have been there. Attached here is a photo of just some of my SP collection, including CDs, ZERO shirt, a patch, the ticket stub from that concert, as well as a logo I drew back then in an old sketchbook from school. Thank you SP for being so awesome. Can’t wait to see you again!

Where it began.

Joshua Morris Perryopolis, PA, US

If I would think of when my musical foundation truly began, I would say it was when I used to watch the Bullet With Butterflies music video not long after it was released. I believe I was 9 years old when I first started seeing it. This song played a massive part in introducing my young self to my love for alternative music and was my introduction to The Smashing Pumpkins. I remember going to the record store at that age to buy Mellon Collie but there were no copies there so I bought Siamese Dream. At some point after, I’m not sure how long, I remember going to a store with my mother to buy Mellon Collie. This album is a very large part of the foundation of my childhood and who I have grown to be.

Cape Town Trip

Jonathan Brandon Mills Hertfordshire , GB

I was tripping in Cape Town, South Africa after taking a load of seeds, locally known as Malpeta (Devils Thorn) on New Year’s Eve 2001.

They were a powerful hallucinogenic that shamen and witch doctors would take one or two of to slip into a catatonic trance like state. I took about one hundred. I was on a “Death Wish” at the time after breaking up with my Girlfriend in London.

The tripping lasted for about 3 weeks but before it was over, I was sectioned for my own good. Before getting hospitalised I had Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, with me in my CD collection, strewn across the Bungalow I was renting. Both discs were on a work surface in the kitchen.

I started to stare at both of the discs and the images became animated, as though alive, they frowned at me, smiled at me and made other facial expressions. I had never experienced it with any CD artwork, before or since.

I would be interested to find out if anyone else had such a moment with the Album Art Work.

Mellon Collie album cover drawing

Jose Francisco Javier Garcia Tustin, US

I found this inside a THICK AND VERY HEAVY binder I’ve kept in my closet all these years, or shall I say centuries? Inside, I’ve kept scraps from Smashing Pumpkins and other favorite bands. I drew this when the album was first released, I sure remember buying the double CD album at the Kmart across the street from where I used to live. I saved up my allowance to pay the $24.99 that it cost back then. With tax, it was $27 total. My father picked me up and drove me home, the minute I got home I played it and drew this. I can still feel chills… I was 13, now 25 years later I am 38. Forever a Pumpkin!

Nightsongs

Ross Kingston, Ontario, CA

It was 1995 or 1996, that I first heard MCIS. I was 15 or 16. I would put this album on at night, with schoolnthe next day, and just lay there, looking up at the stars, the horizon over the houses, and just listen. The whole double album front to back. These songs always had a worldly sound to them, they evoked thoughts that eventually inspired me to travel. Thanks, SP!

My all time favorite, a masterpiece

Joshua Wade Kendallville, IN, US

MCIS was the defining music of my teenage years and still to this day I feel there is no other record that can touch all the different emotions and feelings that MCIS can. It is a true masterpiece and it changed my life. Its such a profound experience to listen to this entire piece of art, even all these years later. I have the double cassette, 4 vinyl records and double CD version of this truly inspired music. 1995 was a great year, I was 15, in high school and just starting my own band. Every time I hear any of the songs from MCIS I am instantly transported back to that time in my life. I will cherish this music and those memories as long as I live. Thank you Smashing Pumkins.

An Unusual Case

Juan F. Fajardo San Salvador, SV

My mother visited the US on November 1995. She came back from her trip and told my sister that she fought another woman to buy the CD. It was their last copy. When my mother pulled out the unusual CD case I was intrigued. I’d never seen anything like it before. I thought it was some form of greatest hits, there was just no way this mammoth collection could hold 100% new music. How wrong I was. I was drawn to the artwork instantly, something out of a fairytale. Each image was so evocative but also so very strange. Almost as if they were saying: “Not everything’s as it seems in this fairytale.” A landmark achievement, the crown jewel of alternative “utopia”.

Car rockout

Jasmine Korcok Kelowna, British Columbia, CA

I was in grade 5 when Mellon Collie came out, and it was the first album I ever purchased, the double cassette. My mom would let me lock myself in her car and crank it up as loudly as I could. I would unfold the insert and sing at the top of my lungs and rock out…my favourites were Zero and Bullet with Butterfly Wings. Mellon Collie spawned my love of music!!

Escape from the Infinite Sadness

Liz Scottsdale, AZ, US

It’s impossible to cite a single memory, as I have one for every song. I was already a dedicated SP fan when MC&TIS was released. The day it came out I spent all night listening to each song, carefully reading along from the lyric booklet. It became my personal soundtrack. In the Arms of Sleep when I was heartbroken, Tales of a Scorched Earth when I was angry, Thru the Eyes of Ruby when I needed calm and centering. I had a copy for my car, my home, my discman, and my boyfriend’s apartment so I was never without a copy close by. 25 years later, I have it downloaded on my phone so it is still always close. I even sat at Stonehenge last year and listened to Thru the Eyes of Ruby, which was a magical experience for me. The album is beautiful, heartfelt, eclectic, powerful, and peaceful all at the same time and I love it more than my poor writing skills can accurately describe.

Pennies for Pumpkins

Jamie Fort Wayne, IN, US

I was 9 years old when MCIS came out. The following Friday, I took an entire cookie tin filled with change (“my life savings” at the time) and took it to the bank. At the time, they asked me to roll the change myself. I spent almost two hours in the backseat of the car putting pennies and nickels into rolls, gave them to the bank, got my cash exchange, and went to Target to buy the CD. Pretty sure I was several dollars short but my parents covered the rest because they were impressed with my dedication to getting MCIS.

1979

Luis Almendarez Ontario, CA

The year was 1999 and I was 8. I remember my parents were not home and I stayed with my grandma and my older brother. As usual, my grandma always let us do whatever we wanted so that night we stayed up late (10 pm was late for us back then) and MTV was playing a rock special and among those songs they played “1979” and “tonight, tonight”, I was amazed by 1979. After that night my brother and I got a copy of the record and I beg my parents to buy me a guitar. If it wasn’t by SP, WPC, and MCIS my life would be totally different, I would’ve never learned how to play an instrument and I would’ve never met the people and the friends that fill my life with joy until this day.

Medicine for the Heart

Patricia Madrid, ES

It’s not pretty. It’s not a good job. It is colossal. It is the best work of art in the world in any discipline. It should have a museum, we want a museum with silver pants, manuscripts, zeppelin and octopus decorations. We want an MCIS museum with starry ceilings.

Here, with the SP family, I feel understood. The others think I’m exaggerating. What a pity those who do not know it or do not feel the same as we do, they are missing wonderful vibrations. Relieve the bad times and praise the good ones. It is medicine for the heart.

I love u

Hope

Rob San Jose, CA, US

I would describe myself as a late bloomer when it comes to this album (and most SP albums for that matter). MCIS came out when I was in 8^thgrade, and I remember a lot of the hits on the radio. I took a liking to tonight, tonight at the time, but other than that, I didn’t really understand the album and kinda moved on. Fast forward to the summer of 2015, when for some reason, I just started listening to 1979. The song hit me to the core like almost nothing I have ever experience before then.

I am a firm believer that when you need it most, something will appear in your life and help guide you through tough times, and starting in 2015, MCIS was that. I dove deep into the album (an eventually Siamese Dream) and zeroed in on thirty-three. This year was probably the most difficult in my life (although, that has been eclipsed by COVID, but for very different reasons), one where I was struggling to find myself, and figure out what I wanted to do with my life and how I could become happy again.

The first time I heard thirty-three, I was in my kitchen making dinner, and froze. I froze because of the lyrics powers that described exactly how I felt at the time. I was the desolate and uncertain person described in the song, wandering through life not knowing how to progress. The song gave me hope, and something allowed me to figure out how to move forward. I decided that “I’ll make the effort” and that I “can make it last forever.” This album has bettered me, and I am so thankful that it found me when I needed it most. It still helps me stay grounded, and songs like thirty-three, 1979, and tonight, tonight, among others from the Smashing Pumpkins, continue to influence, shape, and inspire who I am today. I truly need to say THANK YOU!

Tonight, Tonight

NA Indiana , US

Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness was released 4 days before my 8th birthday, but I wasn’t aware of SP or the album for another 7ish months. Early summer, ’96, I was at my babysitter’s house, where she always had Q101 or MTV playing. This day, it was MTV, and Tonight, Tonight’s ethereal video happened to come on. I was hooked; the music, the aesthetic, everything was pleasing and new to me. I asked my sitter to play more SP for me, and we listened to MCIS on repeat for weeks, occasionally peppering in Gish and Siamese Dream. That year for my 9th birthday I received MCIS and Siamese Dream on cassette – I believe I still have these somewhere.

It Brings Me Back To A Different Era

Kenny Mills Muskegon, MI, US

I was 16, I had a really fun night with my then boyfriend. Went against mom’s rules. Prank calling a bunch of people and driving around. 1979 came on and for a moment it felt like time stood still. Now everytime I listen to that song and usually the whole album, I feel like moments like that, they really are captured.

Synchronicities

Gaz Williams Durban, ZA

I was 19 when it was released. I was bullied at school and found it difficult to socialize. At the local skatepark someone spray-painted “Shake Down 1979” on the ramp. By chance one night I met the girl who painted it and we spoke for hours about our love of the Pumpkins. It helped to bring me out of my shell. The graffiti has long since faded away but my memories and love of this album never have.

Smashing Pumpkins - Memories!