Memories | The Smashing Pumpkins

Tonight, Tonight

Kate Sydney, AU

May 20, 1996, Hordern Pavillion Sydney, Australia.

I was 15 years old, standing outside chatting with friends, excited, first “real” concert, caught up in everything didn’t realise it was about to start, hearing the extended intro for Tonight, Tonight i’ve never run so fast, pushed through a packed auditorium right to the front, no one could stop us. The best setlist, and one of the most memorable nights of my life. Never forgotten.

To never forget

Elizabeth Hillsdale, MI, US

Melon collie resignated with my soul since I was a young kid. Growing up as any only child in a toxic household, music was my escape. The pumpkins made me feel not so alone… And not so weird because of my interests. Never skipped a song on the radio. They’re a huge influence on the music I make today. I bought the MCIS vinyls yesterday (photo won’t upload). It’s my first vinyl purchase for my turntable. I didn’t care how much it was. Perfect selection IMO 🖤

Atlanta to Korea

Barry Bishop Busan, KR

Saw SP at Lollapalooza in Atlanta ‘94. SD got me hooked and then I revisited Gish. 2 short years later who knew I’d be in a life-changing journey by moving to Korea to start a new career path. My best bud gave me a parting gift of the newly released MCIS CD. You can imagine my culture shock arriving in a new country with a different writing system and language, food etc. I loved it but also needed something to hold onto from home. That something was the iconic MCIS by SP. I can’t tell you how many hours I listened to that in my super small apt. in a big, crowded city. It really was my sanity. And the music was so so great that it left a deep impression on me. Well here I am in Korea still and still listening to MCIS as well as all their catalog. We change with periods of our life and SP music changes as well. I hear a song from MCIS and it instantly brings me back to a certain time and place, but I’m also not overly nostalgic about it because the music hold up so well today. It’s still very high on my playlist. I just want to thank Billy and SP for what they do and we are so fortunate that they are still doing it. Hey, after Covid can you guys come to Korea or Japan? I’ll be there!

Most Beautiful Music

Michelle Coventry RI, US

Age 15, the adolescent in Summer of 1996. The sheltered one, when words leave such an impression and can make you feel complete, understood. A booklet of art and emotions, I read with awe until the melody brings it all together into pure magic. It’s mesmerizing as each song flows into another, but then

Thirty-Three plays. To articulate the moments when time stood still is impossible. Music is cherished and I’m greatful to connect with the souls of these individuals

And our lives are forever changed

Godwin Toronto , CA

It was the beginning of 7th grade in a new school in a new area. I was never a fan of music, but most the kids at this school were big into music and were all raving about “the smashing pumpkins”. I rememeber seeing the video for 1979 and bullet and falling in love with everything about the sound. The first time in my life music made me feel something. After getting my own copy of Mellon collie, my mind was blown and the vastness of songs. Different tracks making me feel different things. I became obsessed…… I was told it’s just a phase…. Haha here we are in 2020 🙂

It marks a chapter

Angela INDIANAPOLIS, US

This album ushered me into my teens and was the perfect soundtrack for all of that drama and coming of age. I was a percussionist in school band and marveled at Jimmy Chamberlin’s drumming. I wrote a school essay on the history of the band. I drowned my sorrows when I went through traumatic harassment in middle school. And a concert in Oct 1996 was one of my favorites. I have nothing but gratitude for MCIS.

1979 – Valencia California

Garnet Hanover, IN, US

Before my high school, Valencia High School near LA, had a sprawling suburbia built behind it, It was vacant hillsides and it was our adventure space at night…nobody could touch us there. The video for 1979 was shot in several places in town, including my friends house for the house party scene, and on that epic hillside, capturing cross-canyon views of cars and lights…perfectly capturing the life of a teenager in Santa Clarita at the time. I will never forget that time of my life and how succinctly Smashing Pumpkins nailed 1979 and the aesthetics of angst, love, laughter, and friends.

How MC&tIS Changed My Life

Brandon D Christiansburg, VA, US

Life is all about high water marks. Birth of a child, wedding day, first kiss, first real paycheck, first performance and finding your first real best friend are often high water marks for a lot of people. Listening to this album for the first time was a high water mark for me. This album literally changed my life.

MC&IS was released in ’95. I was 13 years old and in 8th grade. I was unknowingly making a transition from awkward bookworm to social butterfly; I had a solid friend group, the core of which remains today. I had spent the majority of my 6th grade year avoiding people wherever possible. I kept my nose in fantasy and Star Wars novels. I attempted to make friends with my classmates with little success. The one high point is my mother forced me to take band as an elective. We had an old trumpet laying around and that is the instrument I learned on. I spent the weekends reading, playing video games and I remember every Sunday morning playing with Lego and listening to Casey Kasem count down the PoP hits of the day. 7th grade got a little better. I had discovered the opposite sex through band and I recieved my first CD player for XMas that year. The first albums I bought? Nirvana Unplugged in New York (so I could be cool) and Hootie and the Blowfish Cracked Rear View. I was wearing a lot of clothes that was popular with the counter culture at the time (the flannel grunge look) and doing what I could to fit in. It wasn’t really working.

I continued to be a poseur for the end of 7th grade, determined to be one of the cool kids when 8th grade started. I tried to expand my friend group and wiggle into the cool kids club. I failed at that too. However I remember that I did strike up a decent relationship with one of the cool skater kids. He had better taste in music than I did, knew how to ‘aggressive in-line skate’, was an artist and frankly, was cool. I remember him asking me if I was getting the new Pumpkins album. Of course i said yes. I didn’t know who the Smashing Pumpkins were. I hadn’t heard a single song of theirs. My musical tastes were rooted in my dad’s record collection and the music I heard from Casey. I had no connection to anything, really. I knew I liked the Beatles but I wasn’t exactly sure why. If you would’ve asked me I would have told you that Aerosmith was my favorite band (they’re still pretty nifty). Music was a complete afterthought for me.

I had to ask my mother to drive me to the mall to buy a CD. I also had to convince her that I needed $25 to buy it. I couldn’t really explain why I needed it, telling your parents you need a new record so people at school would think you were cool isn’t the most watertight or persuasive of arguments, ya know? I managed to pick it up and bring it home. Blue case with the weird writing and turn of the century-esq woman on the front. I didn’t even have a proper CD player, I was still using last Christmases walkman with an old headset from my parents old tube stereo system. This headset could’ve swallowed a set of beats whole. They were large, loud and clear. Which is exactly what I needed for what was about to happen to me.

I would go to sleep every night listening to that CD player through those headphones. I cracked the case and pulled out a stylized pink CD. As the CD started spooling up I wondered exactly what type of music “the Smashing Pumpkins” were and if they were so awesome why hadn’t I heard of them before. Imagine my surprise when the title track started playing. I distinctly remember wondering why my cool skater friend at school was so excited for soft piano music. The transition to Tonight, Tonight didn’t really do anything for me either. Violins, acoustic guitars, drums that reminded me of marches that we played in school band, I was starting to become really confused. This didn’t seem like some cool alterna-rock band. It sounded like b sides to that shitty hits from the 70s, 80s and today radionstation I hated so much growing up.

Then it happened. Jellybelly. The entrance of the Flood produced, Corgan and Iha led guitar army hit me square between the eyes. 3 1/2 minutes of fierce and distorted guitars that were driven by a maniacal drum beat and accented with a surreal voice drove me upright in bed. I had never heard anything quite like Jellybelly before in my life. It wasn’t my father’s rock and roll. Zepplin and AC/DC didn’t have the sheer intensity that this song offered. It wasn’t my mother’s rock and roll either, CSN and Fleetwood Mac didn’t have a sonic landscape that was quite as complex as what Corgan and company were able to pull off with their overly loud and driven guitars. Jellybelly is nothing more than a climax that never quite resolves. The song ends in feedback and I got a breath and a heartbeat before Zero hit. That unmistakable groove hit and built until the breakdown “…..God is empty, just like me”. I had never before heard such sentiment come out of music. I had no idea that artists used music as a form of self expression and therapy. The lyrics to Zero came through loud and clear to an angsty, insecure kid who just wanted to be popular. The rest of that disc was a complete roller coaster of discovery for me. The pink album is a beautiful mix of uptempo killers and very lush and complex ballads like Galapagos and Porcelina. An Ode to No One in particular was a brutal sonic assault..

The pink album comes to a close and I’m wide awake. I’m completely driven to the blue album, still unsure of what I’m about to listen to. Where Boys Fear to Tread is instantly colder in tone than anything on the pink album, I’m aware that this is going to be a different experience. As the song closes I hear an incredible hiss and static. I’m instantly pissed…now is not the time for my walkman to crap out. In the most perfect musical troll imagine my surprise as the static clears to the most perfect love song on the album. Bodies is the unsung hero of the album, quite possibly MC&IS best track. I listen, wrapped up in the synthesizers and loops of 1979, the brutal assault of XYU and the gentle end of it all with the soft voice of the other guitarist.

I had simply never heard music like this before. If you know me you know I’ve never suckled at the teat of Cobain and the idea that 90s music exists because of Nirvana. In MC&IS I found music that was modern and angry but was beautiful and complex. This was Zepplin, Floyd, Crue, the Beatles and Nirvana smashed together where nothing but the important parts were salvaged. Loud guitars didn’t have to equate to the overly machismo that metal exuded (I would not find my love of metal for several years yet) and music that garnered an emotional response didn’t have to be sappy love songs.

I changed instantly that night. I started going out of my way to find counter culture music that was similar to this. Siamese Dream was purchased not long after MC&IS. I sought to replicate the emotions and feelings I got when I listened to this album: I sought out the guitar. The rest is history. I started devouring music in large quantities from almost all genres. I started looking for emotional responses from the music I listened to instead of having it play in the background. The counterculture drove my social life. I became more social, first with the goths and freaks then the theatrical kids and free spirits and finally with everybody. My newfound love of music drove me, gave me confidence and allowed me to sort the troubled emotions that teenagers typically have.

It has shaped my own musical sensibilities. Anybody who has ever had the misfortune of letting me corner them with copies of music that any of my various projects has written can tell you, everything I’ve ever written could be a discarded guitar part or song idea from the Pumpkins.

I’m now 33. Married, 2 kids, corporate sales job. I’m white bread in every meaning of the phrase. But without MC&IS I wouldn’t be here now, aging music snob with a ridiculous knowledge of who plays what guitar, who sings on what track and the spiritual influences of m83s Midnight City. I wouldn’t have the confidence built from years of performance and wouldnt have the social skills borne from interacting with a completly varied group of kids growing up.

Mellon Collie changed my sadness

Ryan M Reading PA, US

It is amazing how much an album can change a person. This album made me feel during a lost time in my teen years. On the outside I looked fine but on the inside I felt empty, lost and rejected. Along came this Mellon Collie, I heard Bullet and it connected, I went with the little money I had and snag this album. Its artwork and double disc had me so excited on the way home. I placed in my CD player popped on my headphones and went on a journey that honestly changed and saved my life. It made me feel again, gave me hope and try. I truly brought me out of a dark place and I did not feel alone. My zero shirt was my shield and badge of honor. Thanks for this amazing album and it still make me feel every time I hear a song or listen to the album.

So Mellon Collie

Jeremy Holden Vilonia, AR, US

I can start the album form the first song and immediately go back in time. I remember falling in love with my wife then and now, it was like I was sharing a piece of my soul with her. It inspired to become a musician, which at the time I gave up because it’s hard to find good band members. Recently, I revisited my musical abilities and wrote a song called “90’s Anthem“ in which I quote this album about how it left me so Mellon Collie…Love your music. Thank you. Let’s make a song together Billy!

Day of Release

Cory Boehm Winnipeg, CA

My first listen to MCIS was in the office of my school paper on release day. People around the office were familiar with SD and the consensus opinion this was a very different sounding release, similar to fans reacting to Cyr today. Many were not a fan of the new sound.

Looking back now I am sure opinions would be very different but it shows how even MCIS was willing to take risks and break with what fans at the time perceived as the band’s sound.

XYU surprise

Lauren Foley Natick, MA, US

For an angsty teenage girl in the 90s MCIS was exactly what I needed. The sweet melodies with the hard rock made me feel seen and heard. My parents took me to see The Rolling Stones at the Orange Bowl on 12/5/97 but I was most excited about the Pumpkins opening. Just when I didn’t think it could get any better, Marilyn Manson came out and sang a few songs including XYU which was my jam. I was in heaven. It was my first concert moment like that and I’ve never forgotten it.

First CD

Jessica Keely Cincinnati, OH, US

I was only in 6th grade when Melancholy came out, but this was during my peak Mtv watching years. I fell in love with the Tonight Tonight music video and Billy’s voice. I saved allowances and skipped lunches a few times in order to finally purchase my first CD(‘s) from the local Best Buy. I still have the set and like to occasionally pull it out and flip through the books that came inside the case and the gorgeous art work. I definitely contribute this as an inspiration to later become a graphic designer. Thank you for having such a huge impact on my life.

Lost in Music

Katrin Berlin, Germany, DE

I was 14, happy that the Berlin Wall was gone, that I don’t have to grow up in a dictatorship. My brother watched a lot MTV, which was absolutely new to us kids from the GDR. It was a Saturday, I was sleeping in, waking up to the midday sun, stumbling into the room of my big brother who was as always watching TV. And there I heard the voice of Billy Corgan for the first time. 1979 hit me as hard as music never hit me before. It was just right, it felt kind of perfect. I begged my parents for money so I can buy the album. So I went to that strange smelling record store in my former GDR-Hometown packed with vinyls from the late 80ies like Karat and Puhdys and Peter Maffay. I hated that stuff. The owner didn’t know Smashing Pumpkins and told me, what he doesn’t know never existed… Long story short…. It took me two weeks, twenty hours of train and bus drive to get to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness…. It was the best trip of my life meeting so many crazy people in the mid 90ies of a country and it’s people meeting the world… Since that it always fells like home to listen to SP or Billy Corgan…. Thank you, you can’t image how much this album means to me…

Explosive introduction

James Hamilton, Ontario, CA

For me, MCIS began with a live radio show from the Riviera Theater on 23 Oct 1995. I tuned in with blank cassette loaded and ready to record. The first song started, a beautiful tune. The second, a hard-hitting rocker. The third….explosions. Yes, I heard explosions. The band stopped playing. There was confusion. Power outage. A truly unique introduction to an amazing album. I still have the cassette.

1996 VMAs

Patrick Bell Pittsburgh, PA, US

The Smashing Pumpkins were the biggest band in the world by the time 1996 Video Music Awards happened. (and the award show used to actually mean something) And they were not just the biggest rock band, the biggest artist period. I’ll never forget how powerful it felt to watch them open the show that year in a sort of crowning ceremony. Watching the clip back always takes me to those memories of how magical it all felt for something this good and this real to rule the musical world.

Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiighttttttttttt 🎶

Gabriel Ly Espoo, FI

Hey!!! This album is a master piece! The first time I listened to it was in the year 1999 when I was living in Perú 🇵🇪 (yes at that time it was hard to get records in our country and I was only 16 yo). I only listened the Dawn to dask disc because a friend of mine borrowed it to me inside a Soundgarden CD case 🤭. The disc immediately blew my mind, every melody, every song, every second of music has a purpose in the whole album and nothing happens there in vain. As I said, I was just 16 when I listened to the album and it brings me so beautiful memories from that time when me and my cousin Rafo were playing this videogame called Blood while the disc was reproducing in a loop! Later I discovered the sounds of the game Doom in Where boys fear to tread, amazing! The song I like the most in this album is Porcelina of the vast oceans, my biggest dream is to listen it live in a concert one day, but I can proudly say that I know by heart the lyrics of all the songs 💓 . Thank you guys (Billy, D’arcy, James and Jimmy) for such a great contribution to the music, no matter where I go or which circumstances of life I would be passing through, this album will always be in my heart and will remind me the most beautiful times I ever lived.

All my love to you!

¡Gracias Smashing Pumpkins!

Halloween Bike Ride

Tony Albuquerque NM, US

When Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness came out in October of 1995 I was 14 years old. I was in 8th grade and It was Halloween. I was going to go trick or treating with my girlfriends who enjoyed grunge music, flannels and smoking. I was going dressing up as girl that year so I put on one of my Moms dresses and hid it under my clothes so she couldn’t see. I rode my bike to my friend Carries house, I had the cassette tape to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness in my walkmen and listened to it on my bike ride to her house on a cold halloween evening. After we trick or treated I had to ride home in the dark listening to that album. This is one of the best memories of my life.

Changed my life

Lianna Northern New Jersey, US

My cousin wanted MCIS for Xmas, 1995. This day changed my life. My mom asked me if I wanted a copy of MCIS as well, being as the CD wasn’t very expensive! I took MCIS home, listened start to finish, looked through all of the lyrics, the books, tried to figure out the band members. This started my 25 year love affair with SP.

Even a decade later, The sadness was infinite

Adam Boivin Manchester, NH, US

Fell in love with the Sadness all over again in HS in 2000-2004. One of the reasons I started playing guitar and play in bands. The monster guitar work and the amazing song crafting still holds up. “1979” is still to this day, my favorite song ever written. I’ve recently become terminally ill and have requested, as I did when I was in high school, be played at my service. Thank you for everything. 🖤

Young Fan!

Nick Ziegenhorn Raymond, IA, US

It all started out in 2018 when I discovered The Smashing Pumpkins. I picked up Gish at a local pawn shop and fell in love. Keep in mind I was 15/16 years old. As soon as I started rocking out to the first two albums, I stumbled across MCIS. I was astonished, every song on this double album was amazing! It’s my favorite album to date. I’ve been enjoying every album since! Thank you William and the Pumpkins!

Smashing Pumpkins - Memories!