Memories | The Smashing Pumpkins

Blown Away

Jon M. New York, NY, US

I was 10. It was the fall of ‘95 and I snuck into the living room to catch cartoons. Flipped to MTV by accident and caught Bullet With Butterfly Wings. My jaw dropped and nothing was ever the same again. My mom’s friend got me MCIS as an early Christmas gift. They had a huge falling out, but that lady will always have a special place in my heart for gifting me my first CD ever.

And nothing was ever the same

Philip Mississauga, Ontario, CA

Up until I heard Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness, I was aware of the Pumpkins mainly through their singles like Today and Cherub Rock, but my appreciation of popular music and rock up until that point was mainly dictated by what the record industry decided was to be played on the radio or TV.

As soon as I heard the piano on MCIS, I was intrigued. Like every other Pumpkins album to follow, the opening salvo defied expectations for a band known for distortion-heavy guitar-driven tracks. This was unlike anything I had heard before from a band supposedly classified as “rock”.

And then the follow-up to the opening instrumental-only track was… the strings on Tonight, Tonight. I was hooked, and my idea of what a rock band could be and the kind of music they could write would be forever changed.

BWBW video :)

Martin S Beaumont, Alberta, CA

I remember being up late at night as usual watching Much Music and BWBW randomly came on. The video was so beautiful and stylish and the song is such a powerful one. The next day at school I got to tell the two people that cared about it. That confirmed (before Internet ‘for me’) there was an imminent album! The preview to another door in my little SP world. Thank you SP for the amazing journey and being there when I have no one else, always SP! Also I tried to color my hair like James’!!!

I forget about where it all began…

Edith Denton Bridlington, GB

I got Mellon Collie for my 18th birthday, a couple of years after it was released, and it struck a chord with me like no album had before, the themes contained echoed my life so accurately I couldn’t stop playing it. I spent months learning to play my favourite songs on guitar and still play them now well into my 30’s. It’s helped me through some dark times and finally seeing The Smashing Pumpkins in 2018 and Billy solo in 2019 was amazing to hear some MCIS played live. Thanks for the memories!

My favorite band became my OBSESSION… MCIS was my world.

John Vincent Kenosha, WI, US

I first discovered the band catching one of the local Chicago station’s late-night concert series shows when they aired the Siamese Dream show from the Aragon Ballroom. I instantly fell in love and bought SD and Gish on cd that weekend. Fast-forward to October 1995 and after wearing out SD, Gish AND Pisces Iscariot cds, I saved up more allowances to make the $20 for the double album (it was a fortune back then) because I was making sure I was the first one to listen to MY band’s new album as soon as it came out. (I asked the local record store owner about every detail of the release incessantly for months anxiously awaiting the day! He hated me but loved all my allowance money I spent in there on SP Merch…) Not only did I wait outside the record store to get the album immediately upon the store opening, but I opened it and started listening on my cd walkman before I even left the store. It was like I was on DMT before anyone even knew what DMT was! MCIS, WAS my drug of choice, not only because the whole world of sound that even the first six songs of From Dawn to Dusk put me on, literally changed my DNA, but it was a piece of art that I had never experienced before. I had listened to The Wall, Band of Gypsys, Sgt. Pepper’s, etc. and even those to my ears were not as dense, layered and powerful as the variety-rich epic that MCIS was. I was 15 years old and I had in my mind, my soul, and my hands, the greatest piece of music ever created. Little did I know how I would be made fun of, then applauded and everything else, for championing that “weird guy” with the strange band from Chicago (as many kids my age still thought of them as, while they were all mainstream hip hop and “punk” fans) until 1979 came out and it was them cool to like the Pumpkins. I learned all the songs on guitar and wore out many a discmans, as almost exactly a year from the MCIS release date was consumed by listening to 99% only Mellon Collie, until October 10th of 1996 when I saw the Pumpkins live for the first time at the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, WI. I still have that bootleg, now in mp3 form. I can close my eyes and be in the arena, in my seat, and see the band and remember the rumble of the Silver fuck/Space Jam that seemed to go on forever. I started a band after the MCIS concert and we played, well, tried to play as much MCIS as possible. I was Zero, I was Glass and June and Ruby and Porcelina and I stumbleined along with the Pumpkins through the rest of my life because Mellon Collie changed the world.

A Friendship Cemented

Charles Horton Hillsville, VA, US

Didn’t know much about music as a kid, but I knew what I liked. One day my friend, Andrew, said “you gotta see this new video!” It was “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” on VHS. I obsessed over this new sound, this band, the album, the artwork, and the music! It was the soundtrack to my childhood and to a dear friendship. To this day, it remains my most favorite album of all-time.

Street Date

Lance Logan, Utah, US

An older friend of mine worked at Gray Whale CD in Logan, Utah and my buddy Dave and I would visit all the time and check out new and old music. It was our senior year in high school, we were weird, and didn’t care about nothing. We were both big fans from the Gish and Siamese Dream eras. I remember seeing the StreetDate magazine and asking if I could have the cover. We picked up our double CDs the day of the release and made a pact to listen all the way through that day and night and to meet up and talk about it the next day at school. If I remember right, we called each other after an hour with our heads fully exploded and our horizons expanded musically. There was so much to digest and process, what an experience. The next thing for us was to learn the songs and book our tickets for the show the next year in SLC. Long live The Smashing Pumpkins and “hail, hail rock and roll”!

A refelction on the time that once was

Andrew Melbourne, Australia, AU

Sitting, wallowing in the state which youth was, trying to understand those around me, astounded at the narrow mindedness of adulthood, tonight, tonight. I’ve purchased, lost, and repurchased this album 4 times already, almost as many times as I’ve had to start over. My favorite album of all time – Thank you Billly and the other band members who have contributed over the years.

Melancholy of 90s Generation X

Katherine Ikard Midland, Tx, US

It was the best and worst of times. Living in an isolated Texas town with absolutely nothing to do. So, we rebelled against society and rules. I went to school with the rich kids and felt like I was in a twisted 90s version of The Outsiders. I had Smashing Pumpkins posters all over my room, and Disarm was my anthem. When Mellon Collie came out, it was if pieces of my soul had been extracted and placed into lyrics and music. It was a masterpiece and something I listened to to get myself out of the darkness. In my adult years, some drunk asshole hit my car and totalled it including all my cd’s; this included my original Mellon Collie album and I will be forever sad about it. It forged the strength of my character and let me know it was okay to be who I was. Thank you, SP.

Highschool theme songs

Cloud PH

Ever since I tasted Mellon collie and the infinite sadness 3 years ago I never stopped listening, I still religiously listen to this album and never get tired of hearing it. This album kept me going from my highschool years and long trips to places and thus gave me so much memories attached to it, Here is no why easily turned to be one of my absolute favorites so I covered it.

8/30/96

JP Pueblo, CO, US

My best friend waited in line at the record store starting at 5am and scored 3rd row seats for the show in Denver. During the show, a girl had worked her way up to our seats and was dancing with us. She was the first person I ever kissed. My friend was killed in a car accident less than a year later. We played Jupiter’s Lament during his funeral. I gave my first eulogy at 15. I miss him everyday but MCIS makes still feel his presence in my life. Thank you SP.

Inspired

Shaun hirsch Hermiston or, US

Hi I have severe bipolar disorder and I was 14 when this album came out and it was only thing I could listen to for years, my smashing pumpkins is The other half of my soul this album inspired me to be a musician and all of my songs are inspired by Billys song writing and now I have Lil peep infections too, Zero was the first song I learned to play on guitar and now I am writing my own songs and uploading them and living my best life thanks to this album and my idol and hero WPC

As far as you take me

Ryan Stamford, CT, US

It’s 1995 and I’m on the school bus with the soccer team. I had a quick opportunity to buy MCIS at my local record store a few hours before the trip up to play some other high school team. Put the disc in my player and remember being transported. That was it. The full climax from all the Cherub Rocks and the Sivas. It’s was happening. Fell asleep that night to Poreclina and Beautiful. So much to absorb. Remember being at high school parties playing along with the CD on my guitar to By Starlight. Much love and Praise to WPC, JI, DW, JC. Most blessings. MCIS keeps me going to this day. I put my kids to sleep with this record to this day. Much love and respect

And I learned, the distance to the sun

Chris London/Hamilton, CA

In 1995 I was making mix tapes from CD and radio. I would sneak downstairs into my uncles en suite apartment and riffle through the albums for new tapes. After I listened to mellon collie, im almost positive I never made a mixed tape again. In this body of work, I had found all the mix I would ever need. I ended becoming a very good guitarist because of Billy and James. I have fond memories of playing my candle apple squier stratocaster through a big muff at band practise (it took me a couple of years to figure out I had the wrong pickups lol) omg that combo was noisy. But to our little 3 piece band, I had unlocked a vital part of sounding like corgan. 25 years later, I still measure my guitar tone to this album.. I still mostly tune to Eb.. and I still find peace, answers, resolution and solace in the lyrics on this record. It touched me then, and still today, makes me feel elated as well as bringing all those initial emotions. From the minute I heard the pumpkins, they’ve been my favourite band. And I’ve yet to skip an album. Saw them play on the Oceania tour in Toronto… Best night of my life- still my favourite concert. Love ya Billy,

Slumberland

Ignacio Buenos Aires, AR

Tonight I’m reminiscing about this album. I often do lately in these weird times. The first time I listened to this album was in 2015, when I was 14 and going through a really, really rough time personally, like most teenagers do. I would go nuts to the rock songs on the record and scream them in class with my friends back then. Now, 19, I find myself more fascinated by the artwork of the record and its imagery. It reminds me of when I was a child and those space-ish wallpapers that my mum put in my bedroom and that careless magic in the air that I used to feel. Now I’m becoming an adult and about to face real life and I tend to rely on the more soft, nostalgic songs on this record like Tonight Tonight, the beautiful title track, 33, Cupid de Locke and so. Every time I feel like going to a mental paradise outside real life I put on that record and fly, feel. I look at the artwork and it makes me think of space, night, and it kinda reminds me of that beautiful gag on The Simpsons where Homer falls asleep in his car and goes to a magic place called Slumberland. I’m more sensitive now than I was then I guess (and with a whole lot of sleeping problems lol). This is one of the albums of my life and a safe place for me for sure. Happy anniversary! I’ll carry it with me forever.

Ignacio

Steeple guide me to my heart and home

Pam New Orleans, LA, US

The Smashing Pumpkins were already my favorite band when Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness was released 25 years ago. My friends and I went to the release show at the Riviera in Chicago and then to Tower Records to buy the album. We drove to the lake to listen for the first time, excitedly reacting as each song played. It felt monumental, like a real moment in time, an album that would change each of our lives, and a first listen that we’d all remember forever. After we went our separate ways, I sat in my car to listen again alone, really letting each song sink in. I ended up driving around, listening on repeat until the sun came up. While I loved the albums that came before with all my heart, the lyrics on Mellon Collie grabbed me like nothing I had ever heard before. It was like WPC knew my soul, like someone was speaking to me in a language I could hear, for the very first time. I fell hard and fast for Thirty-three and it remains the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. I recently visited that steeple (pictured) and it moved me to tears. I can only imagine how many times I’ve listened to MCIS since that first night. Must be in the tens of thousands. But still, after all these years and after all those listens, it takes my breath away.

Mellon collie and me.

Alexander Moscow, RU

Hi all! Sorry for my terrible english 🙂 I was in army, in Vladivostok city, this city is far away from my home town on 8000 km. In the end of 1995 or early 1996 i was listening local radiostation and there was story about SP and their new album Mellon collie. I never heard about SP before. Of course, it was not only story but and few songs from album. Not sure, but maybe it was Butterfly, 1979. Then was little story in local newspaper and “pirate” tape with Deep Purple’s album and between “bonus tracks” was Butterly 🙂 After i came home i bought full album, “pirate” tape again, i think it was fall of 1996 and finally listened in entirely. And by 2020 year Mellon collie is still my favorite SP album! And i hope will hear it in entirely alive one day 😉 Oh, and i really love SP tour with Mellon collie in 1995-1997, it was really amazing! I have lost of gigs from this tour.

Cool kids never have the time

Sophia Stamford, CT, US

Throughout the years, our taste in music may change and our favorite songs come and go as we expand our listening, but for me, there’s only one song that will forever remain my favorite song. It’s a song that’s timeless, though as I’ve grown older I’ve come to appreciate it in different ways. As a 13 year old girl I looked at the song as what my life would soon be, running around doing stupid things with my friends before we were forced to care about the world. Getting older, my friends and I became the kids in the song, and the sense of nostalgia that I would soon feel for these moments was being created all around me, before I even had time to realize it. All of the heartbreaks and losses, feelings of excitement, of newness, of learning and growth. We were the “cool kids who never had the time,” or so I felt, and it isn’t until these moments in time are through that we can understand what they meant and who we truly were at that time. You really do at this age feel that an end to all of this will never come, that you’ll be a child in this city that you grew up in forever, living the same years over and over again.

As I move on to new stages in my life, move to new cities, make new friends, gain new perspectives on life, 1979 stands as a reminder of all of these nostalgic moments in my life. Every time I listen to it, I feel grateful for all of the stupid, trivial, ridiculous moments I made growing up, ones I still experience I must say. It stands as a time machine to years that I can never get back, yet ones that live so vividly in my mind. At 19 years old, I know many of these years are still to come, but the innocence of living at home and growing up for me seems to already have faded, sentiments brought to life in the lyrics and sound of the song that I yearn for each time I hear it or play it on the guitar.

But time moves on, faster than we can ever imagine, as the song explains. The people we love change, despite our memories of the people they used to be, and at some point, you’re going to have to sit and accept that life is always going to moving, changing, evolving before you can even appreciate it for what it was. The last line of the song, “The streets heat the urgency of now, as you see there’s no one around,” has always reminded me of a breath of fresh air when you wake up early in the morning and look outside at the place where you’re living at the moment. Here, you can reflect, truly, on all that your life has been, all the ways that it’s changed and rewritten itself, yet through all of these changes, you’re still here, standing as a culmination of your youth, your friends, your family, your loves, and your losses. I play 1979 at moments of extreme change in my life, when I want to sit and take that morning air in before a new chapter of my life begins: before I graduate, before I say goodbye to a friend, before I leave home, before I move to cities far from where I grew up. I come to appreciate time and the immense speed at which it moves life along, remembering all that has gone and anticipate all that is to come.

The Beginning of Everything

Dani US

In 1994 I started listening to Pisces Iscariot on repeat after a friend told me it was his favorite album. It was such a “different” sound for me, loud and soft, nostalgic and innovative, it didn’t sound like anything else I’d ever heard.

On a dreary Tuesday in October, I skipped school, took a public bus across town, and bought MCIS on the day it was released. It was AMAZING. Who starts off an “alternative” double album with a piano? There were all these feelings that I couldn’t stop listening to. Back then, you didn’t get immediate updates every time a band you liked took a breath. You had to work for it, find magazine articles, read liner notes, listen to those notes they were playing, decipher the lyrics. The book that came with MCIS was so worn from my studying it over and over. I somehow talked my mom into letting me go to a concert at UMASS Amherst to see this enormous tour from a band that was somehow now known all over the world. My band. Billy in the famous “zero” t-shirt. I was surrounded by people who didn’t know the songs that really tore into me like “To Forgive,” but they were there to see my favorite band. After MCIS a lot changed. I met a group of friends from what is now “The Internet.” We goofed off and traveled around different states and even internationally, meeting up to see SP through various tours. We’re now old, some of us with teenage kids of our own, some of whom are second generation fans.

A journey into space and time…

Joshua Campbell Oviedo, Fl, US

It was November 1995. The album had only been out for a few weeks, back in those days, if you didn’t have the money to buy it, and a friend didn’t have a copy, you didn’t get to hear it. Finally a week before my 16th birthday, my buddy came through with a copy. That night my two friends and I split up a ten strip, listened to both sides and still can’t be saved…🤙

NSA School desk – 1997

Angela Johannesburg , ZA

In high school, one of the classrooms was a staggered like a lecture room. We sat on the same individual wooden desks each lesson. I was suitably obsessed with MCIS and one tedious lesson from a substitute teacher left me gazing unfocused, I decided to write part of the lyrics of ‘Where boys fear to tread’ on the desk and draw some SP album artwork. The lesson finished and I returned the next day to the same classroom, to the same desk. Someone had continued the lyrics! But who? This carried on for the entire year, song by song. I’d walk past the class, hoping to catch a glimpse of who it was, my fellow SP fan, but the door was always closed until the lesson was over. By then everyone was walking out.

I’ll never know who that person was but it was a magical connection I’ll never forget and a lasting memory of MCIS.

Music for healing

Gaspar Insfran Asunción, Central, PY

I was 10 years old back in 95. My grandpa called me to his office. He was like a father to me. Always giving me so much love. He told that he wanted to give me a gift and asked what it could be. From all things I chose the Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album.

I was going trough tough times and when I listened to the album everything just seemed to be right. The loving ballads and the intense rock songs just shook my soul and made me feel so alive. It was definitely one of the inflection points in my life.

Smashing Pumpkins - Memories!