I wouldn’t be here without it.

Mandy Dayton Spanish Fork, Utah, US

So the video was of me at 13. I’m on the right. It’s kind of embarrassing but there wasn’t SP merch around my rural town back then. I wish I had a ZERO pic to share! Anyway, my story begins years earlier when I was 11 in ‘95.  I was tormented in school and abused at home. There was no safe place for me until I was borrowed Mellon Collie. I cradled my radio and cried through both albums over and over. There was anger, beauty, love, unrequited love, loneliness, sadness and gorgeous imagery to lose myself to.  Billy and SP have been my sanctuary ever since. It encouraged me to pick up a guitar at 15 and teach myself to play tabs and piano. I went though 3 Mellon Collie books from carrying them around so much and writing notes in them in high school. I slept outside for 3 nights in freezing weather to see SP perform when I was 15 at a small music store. I later got 5 SP hearts tattooed on me, had a daughter and named her Starla after Billy because without him I would have killed myself and she would have never been born. A couple of  years later, instead of The Wedding March, I walked down the isle to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness to my husband who met me because of our love of SP. That album has helped me get through so many amazing and very hard times in my life. The last good memory I have of my mom before she died 2 years ago was going to the rest home and playing SP songs off that album for her because she was the only one who ever encouraged and indulged my love of your music. It made her so happy.  She couldn’t say many things after her first stroke almost 8 years before but she talked about “guitar” and “Billy” among a few other things to me quite often. You’ve all meant so much to me and my family and I’m so proud I can take my kids to your concerts now. I’m here because of you and especially Mellon Collie and so are they. Thank you eternally. 

Love

Tracy North Carolina , US

My first love and I listened to the album over and over again. He plays guitar and used to play and sing to me on the phone. Especially tonight, tonight. I don’t know if the timing was wrong or what but we never actually dated but we loved each other. To this day when I hear songs from mcis, I feel the way I felt then. I was 15 and I love him to this day. I guess part of me will always be Mellon collie, longing for the love I missed. 

Echo of souls Outside Intelligence

Jeff H Ontarii, CA

Very recently, I’ve come to remember the true meaning of song. This album in 2002 first got me to realize this while I was living somewhere against my will due to drug addiction. I felt I was singing the deepest truths of souls in unision with an intelligence outside not from this world every lyric perfectly defined by inside/outside context us trying to message each other.  Us, just singing to each other across worlds in secret code wrapped in infinite love.  Also wrapped in infinite sadness by the state of this world. Earth, which I begged to leave, not knowing why I’m here, what I’m supposed to do or who sent me but instead I’m force-fed a life of circumstance that I hate. The song Muzzle, at least reminded me hope is real, I’ve sang it countless times in my head before ever listening to it on cd.  The sadness, the aloneness I feel that is with always just echoing back <> forth with unbearable torture of the soul <> unbearable infinite love.<3 </3 <3  not ‘human sexual’ love – but nothing short of the raw essence of infinity. 

it’s who you wanted to be

Ana US

There are many memories associated with this band and this album in particular. Some were sad or frustrating and some were beautiful or an absolute invocation of the concept of infinity; but, most of my memories were of me: sat, on the floor, in front of my stereo, reading the lyrics. 

Thank you for the… expansion of consciousness. Cheers! 

Nostalgia

Liz Dispari Briançon, FR

1979. Heard it on K104 while driving to school & remember rushing to a record store to buy the album. generationX was instantly captured in each word of MCIS. It Spoke  a state of mind no other generation can understand nor relate to.

My parents were divorced & we lived in France with our mother. I made it back home to NY for college & remember taking the road with some friends heading to Willow Street club, in Rye. That club started so many punk, garage bands…& 1979 came on, & it felt as if the car was flying.

It spoke to me in terms of nostalgia even then. Because I knew that feeling of freedom would soon give in to the pain of having to leave the US. The past is never far when I hear the album.

” With the headlights pointed at the dawn, We were sure we’d never see an end to it all“.

Coming of Age/Never Growing Up

Jovic PH

It was the end of summer 1994. Next week I was going to be a high school freshman. Everyone I knew was into other bands like Guns and Roses, Pearl Jam, or Nirvana. I was kind of dabbling in that scene as well, well, just as far as what we got on MTV.  I one day switched on the TV and caught the image of this pale, creepy man in silver pants with bad teeth, and a band playing in what seemed like an apocalyptic mosh pit. It was the video for “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”. The video was halfway done,  I wondered what the song was about? The rest of the week I waited for the video to run again, then I finally caught it. I relished the video from beginning to end, couldn’t get enough of that Pumpkins sound. Freshman year was awkward to say the least, the transitioning to your full teenage years is a messed up(In fact the whole time I was in high school my whole impression of it was “despite all my rage”…well I know for sure Pumpkins fans know the rest) . It was a month that went by I until I heard a new song, It was Zero, then I heard 1979 a few weeks later. That’s it I was hooked, I went to the music stores to buy the full album. Mind you it was 1994, music stores only stocked what was on the radio back then, The Pumpkins weren’t as well known where I lived. Long story short MCIS was the first Pumpkins album I ever got. It was in cassette. If anyone asks about my taste in music, I tell them I’m stuck in 1994.

The high price of trying to be cool

Katharina Essen , DE

Ever since spending my xmas vacation in Florida in 1992, when I was just ten years old, the whole Grunge and Alternative music scene has been a huge part of my life. Fast forward to the year 2000 and my second time in the US as a highschool student, this German teen really wanted to be cool and tough and what not. So what did I do, staying in the state of Illinois and even visiting Chicago, hometown to one of a very few bands I still love today: Giving away all my SP cd’s, including MCIS of course, to the youngest son of my host mother for christmas. Great idea back then after I got more into metal and thought that anything without a doublebass wasn’t right for me anymore. If I could I would travel back in time and hold on to these prescious records. Some of them I repurchsed by now, the only one still missing from my current collection is Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, which makes me melancholic and sad *sigh* 

Love songs and metal riffs

Sam Wartenbee Eugene, OR, US

Tonight, Tonight was the first video I saw from my all-time favorite album. I later recorded In The Arms of Sleep for my wife, and eventually a whole set, including Ode and XYU! I cried tears of joy when the In Plainsong tour opened with Stumbleine!

The most important album

Aleksi Tampere, FI

I was around 10 when I first heard it. Took a while but it’s the first album I truly fell in love with and still listen to it frequently. It changed my life and not just the way I perceive the concept of music but also what it can look like. Have bought it thrice now. 

In the Navy

Becky Santa Barbara, California , US

When it came out, my older brother was in Japan serving in the US Navy. He heard I was a Pumpkins fan and sent me the album. I already had purchased it, but it worked out because I kept one in my CD player, and one in my discman. It was also the first album I ever purchased for myself.

Discovering the Pumpkins

MIGUEL VIGO, ES

A friend  of mine played Jelly Belly and was the first song I´ve heard from the Pumpkins. Totally blew my mind. After that became the soundtrack of my life.

I’m getting old

Jovic PH

I messed up my last submission, It was 1996!

Dream & Discovery

Gina Hobart, Tasmania , AU

Young, life, feeling stuck and wanting to see the world. MCIS defined a time of new love, living life large, dreaming and discovery.

Totally in Sync with the Culture

Jack Lowe Addison, IL, US

I bought the album the week it was released. My favorite track is “Tonight, Tonight.” It felt so vindicating—a major creative statement by my favorite band. My most skeptical friends knew, now, that the Pumpkins were no flash in the pan. That they were Chicago people made it even better—Seattle had no monopoly on great music. Most of all, it was a Generation X touchstone. For the first and only time in my life, I felt in tune with the culture and with people my age. We’d been so maligned and ignored. Here was proof that the boomers didn’t own rock. Thanks, Corgan and Company, for that experience.

Embers Never Fade

Shane Church Hill, TN, US

This album is very special to me. So much so I’ve bought it at least 6 times for various reasons. This was the soundtrack to my coming of age, easily dominating my CD player since its introduction ( second only to the greatest album of all time. Siamese Dream). Mellon Collie is one of those rare gems you simply don’t skip tracks. You listen to the whole thing straight through and let every lyric, every note resonate within your soul. I’ve laughed, cried, and endlessly pondered to this album. Can’t imagine a life without Smashing Pumpkins. Thank you all for all you do. Billy, you are my favorite poet and guitarist of all time! Much love to you all from TN!

Sweet & Bitter

Emmanuel Garcia Haverhill , US

Thirty-Three is a very personal song to me. I found out of Smashing Pumpkins out of pure luck. I stumbled upon the album “ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness “ in a very dark place. I had been going through such difficult times with depression in the summer of 2018.   I was contemplating suicide. All I remembered was this beautiful song from Smashing Pumpkins called “ Thirty-Three “. I had played the song in the background and burst into tears because the song gave me courage. It gave me hope. It gave me another view of life. I had soon listened to more music from them and grew very attached to them. I could not have done it without their music. It’s been two years and every time I listen to “ Thirty-three “ it always brings me to tears. I love Smashing Pumpkins!

breakups

Jenna Murfreesboro, TN, US

Every single breakup I’ve gone through, this album has infinitely helped me. I grew up listening to it, so every time I hear it, it’s like a warm hug.

Basement

Jason Stafford, VA, US

I was in quarantine when I got a gargantuan Smashing Pumpkins kick. I couldn’t stop listening to Siamese Dream and Gish, so I decided to listen to MCIS. I went through it in 1 day and it became one if my favorite albums. I absolutely love the band and this album.

BC signing my Mellon Collie… CD

Cynthia Anaheim, CA, US

My sister and I met Billy at NAMM a few years back. I was able to talk to him about his trip to Disneyland. My friend was his tour guide in that famous picture. She told me that he was totally sweet and made her part of their group. He told me to say hi to her. 🙂 And he signed one of my favorite CDs of all time.

The Resurgency of Now

Vince Paradise, Newfoundland, CA

In high school (1996), I was making out with a friend of mine, and 1979 was playing on her radio. It was awesome.

Despite all the memories

Josh Odd Bloomington, MN, US

This piece was inspired by Bullet with Butterfly Wings. Billy said that great music crosses genres to people the same thing applies to visual art. The Mellon Collie album was a great soundtrack that continues to be a great album for Generation X to the rise of millennials like myself. Despite the song being a joke, it makes me think of just how time affects society, art, and death.

Love is Suicide

Christian San Diego, California , US

I remember screaming Bodies at the top of my lungs after a terrible breakup…it was my favorite song at the time, as was XYU.  I was in my car and had MCIS in my CD player and I couldn’t stop listening to it. As a matter of fact, I just relistened to it as I haven’t heard it in a long time.  That song allowed me to get out all of the anger I felt at the time. My Lady and I are currently having troubles, it’s definitely not fun…Bodies is the first thing that popped into my head…been there, done that…although it’s not from MCIS, it reminds me of Behold! The Nightmare from Adore. As a visual artist, I had created a beautiful drawing of that song and how I felt at the time…Where the Willows weep and the Whirlpools sleep You’ll find Me…I was sitting under a willow, rose in hand…I cant go on digging roses from your grave.  And the Nightmare Rides On…As always, Thank You for the music, you’ve been the soundtrack to my life.

Connection

Sylvaindt CA

One of the first albums I ever bought. Cassette. 20 years later I got the deluxe edition. CD. Lonely night in I was listening to it and made an online post. That shot of the box set grabbed the attention of one who would eventually be my wife five years later.

Long-Distance Relationship

Rich S. US

My girlfriend gave me MCIS for our first Valentine’s Day. We were dating from different colleges 6.5 hours apart. I would rock out to MCIS every road trip to visit her in my 1986 Dodge Omni with the portable CD player plugged into the tape deck. We have now been married 20 years and have 3 kids, and the songs from MCIS are still in my main playlist.

“You made it Last Forever! You!”

Jack Comeau Parkersburg, WV, US

And you truly have! Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness is among one of the best albums of all time! I remember as a youngling listening to the mainstream tracks off this album and Being totally in awe of them. I then would eventually decide to purchase the album in its entirety on CD, and man has it been a blast! Each song, each lyric, each note spoke to me and touched my heart. The sheer brilliance that this album contains is unmeasurable to any other! The way that each song bears it own meaning and feeling brings this album the most enjoyment and prosperity than any in any musical act! The gritty and angst driven songs like “Zero” and “X.Y.U” helped me through anger and pain of my life As well as the other melloncollich tracks like “To Forgive” and “in the arms of sleep”. But mostly the sad but feel good tracks like “tonight, tonight” “1979” and “thirty three” are the ones that stand out the most! I’ve gone through hell and back with record! And it’s done one hell of a good job keeping me alive! Billy’s amazing input on this record was outstanding! This album in general and Billy’s guitar work really rooted my love for music and inspired me to learn how to play the guitar! Billy, the pumpkins, and most importantly, this album, will always have a special place in my heart! Thank you!

Poetry

Camila Espel Cuba Buenos aires, AR

MCIS reminds me that sadness will brings poetry. My memory of this album is that you have to accept your feelings to know you and then you can reborn, but first you have to feel and also love your sadness, appreciate it. I really love this album, it show me that we can create beatiful things no matter what we feel. William I love your work, always, and I really feel you in every lyric. MCIS is a poem of love and sadness, love it forever.