I was born a little under a year after this album came out. It was my mother’s, and she loved The Smashing Pumpkins and eventually gave the CD to me when I was a child. She was a young mother and my dad was too, so they shared their music with me all the time but Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness stands out from the rest in my childhood.

I remember being around 7 years old — a little after coming to the US from living in El Salvador and taking my parents portable stereo in my room. I played Lily (My One and Only) over and over. It made me feel EVERYTHING, and of course I didn’t understand what the song fully was about except someone that longed for a lover. I swear this album made me like this kid that was a complete dreamer when listening to this album. I also remember laying on my bedroom floor closing my eyes and then switching CDs from blue to the pink one when the blue CD was over. 

I distinctly recall singing along to Stumbleine as well around this age, just me a small girl in my own world getting lost in this music. I am tearing up as I write this because it’s been so long since I have thought of these first memories with this album. I’m an only child, so I would keep to myself in my room and not say a word for hours, I could just listen. 

I still get the same rush of feelings going through Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, and the depths I understand as an adult now makes it all the better. I will never forget how special it was and still is to me.