My own Infinite Sadness

Bernard Bardstown, ky, US

I first started looking into the album in late 2015 or early 2016. I bought the album on iTunes, and it has become my favorite Smashing Pumpkins album. Before this point, the only song from it i really knew was “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” as the radio played it constantly. Next thing i knew, i was inspired! I wrote a stargazing themed album, and started writing a book (didn’t get too far into it, unfortunately). I even sang a few songs via karaoke and learned some on guitar. I even tried to get a further understanding of the album, theorizing it as “rock opera”, only to recently find i was kinda right! All in all, I praise this amazing album. Here’s to another 25 years!

Hello kitty kat

Brian Anthony Fort mill sc, US

I heard the pumpkins after the initial 90s wave. I was a child/infant during most of the pumpkins explosion. as a 13 year old in the early 2000s this music changed my life. My next door neighbor Ryan started playing guitar and would scream bullet with butterfly wings at the top of his lungs. I first heard this intensity from my friend secondhand of bullet with butterfly wings as I kicked a soccer ball in the backyard. echoing out of the upstairs nextdoor suburban boxcar window was a lifeline and would lead to an ever evolving growing respect for billy and the pumpkins body of work. Till this day each time I hear the album I can find a new layer of paint. Simple yet elegant and so full of passion. Can someone explain why if you search billy corgan on YouTube instead of the epic Ogilala or cotillions albums released in the past few years what shows up are two search lines containing the Rollercoaster meme? Its pathetic censorship. i can only pray that more true artists like billy battle the norm and remain true to themselves despite changing times, Feelings,opinions, and moods. the pumpkins have always been a mystical mysterious part of my life. I truly respect Billy’s artistry,lyric craft, and intelligence. Its shakespearan, the level of thought and awareness that is in his craft. I remember the first time I got caught drinking I was upstairs with my Mexican early 20th century gun metal blue strat playing along to Mellon collie on cd

Tribute Song

PaKo Villalobos Aguascalientes, MX

MCIS is the album that instantly remind me a lot of good times in high school a very good friends and of course awesome partys!

25 years later me and my friends were looking for a song to make a cover and we were having trouble to choose a song that all of us like then I suggested Zero and 2 seconds after, everybody say “yeaaah that song it´s awesome” so we did the cover song in our style (Metal) , recorded and make a visualizer, we hope you like it!

Mixed Tape

Grumpy Gorman Ottawa, CA

I was in HS when Mellon Collie came and had a huge crush on a girl named Maggie Mae. Knowing she had been a huge fan of Siamese Dream, as soon as I bought my copy (of MC), I made a mixed tape of my favourite tracks from the album for her. It contained more of the dreamier cuts than the heavier layered guitar tracks, which seems fitting considered I was all goofy and cloudy headed.  Maggie Mae never shared my romantic leanings, but it never diminished the wide-eyed magic of the moment. though the album stands strong as its own entity, it was always be entwined with this particular memory.  Thanks for your part in it!


Helene Paris, FR

This album made me the woman I am today. 

My life with the pumpkins

Sonja Mississauga, CA

My introduction to the pumpkins began in 91 . I was and still am the type of person to walk into a record shop and just grab whatever catches my eye . I seen the gish album and on impulse bought it got home listened and fell in love . Siamese came out had to have and my love for the band just grew . What beautifull lyrics and music . Billy’s beautiful words inspired my art and poetry ..and to this day still does. not a day goes by that this band doesn’t inspire me in someway…along came meloncholy and what can I say .. brilliant. Such a beautiful record from start to finish . Thirty three probably the most beautiful video I have ever seen ..still is . Bodies is my absolute favorite song on the album such a raw, gut wrenching song . Billy inspires me every day..such a beautiful soul . Wow it’s been a long time since meloncholy was released and it’s still a timeless record .

The smashing pumpkins were always there somehow in my life through happiness.tears .anger but all was worth it .

Pumpkins will forever be my band 


Brandi Buffalo,NY, US

I met my twin flame 🔥 at a cover band show on the way to the bathroom just as “Tonight, Tonight” started to play. We completely crossed paths and I said to a friend, I love this song! He heard and me stopped me, telling me that he loved it too. The words to the song to me described that night. Our lives forever changed, we will never be the same. Indescribable moments of your life tonight, the impossible is possible tonight. It’s crazy, because we both felt this feeling, vibe physically from each other, nothing from this Earth and that’s how I figured out it was something called a twin flame. I have never been the same since that night, and everything I’ve ever known about life, energy, love and people has changed. If it weren’t for that album I wouldn’t have had that life altering moment and I never would have had the experiences I’ve had with that person or myself. 

On a live wire right up off the street

ES Chicago, US

I remember seeing my high school sweetheart for the first time at a jr. high mixer dance. She was wearing a Smashing Pumpkins shirt and I requested ‘1979’ to impress her. That’s when we started talking. 

And our lives are forever changed

Eduardo Freitas Porto Alegre, BR

Eu tinha apenas 17 anos quando o álbum foi lançado. Corri até uma loja em outra cidade que importava CDs. Encomendei o meu e aguardei ansiosamente a sua chegada. Quando por fim chegou eu fiquei tão impactado com a qualidade gráfica do encarte, aquelas ilustrações, o livreto com as letras, a cor rosa do primeiro disco, o azul do segundo, as letras e, é claro, a intensidade do som! Músicas que nos conduzem por todos os espectros da emoção. Da melancolia à fúria; da tristeza, ao amor e à alegria. Eu o ouvi tanto, mas tanto! Eu fiquei maravilhado com a profundidade e a beleza das letras. Muzzle e Here is No Why, em especial, são duas canções que amo demais. Elas me falam direto ao coração. Outra coisa que amo demais em MCIS é a sequência das cinco músicas finais do disco dois. Para essa sequência, para essas músicas, só existe uma definição: perfeição.  É um dos álbuns da minha vida, que continuarei a ouvir eternamente. Já o ouço há 25 anos. Espero continuar ouvindo-o por mais 25 e mais 25. Só tenho a agradecer por essa obra-prima que é indissociável da minha visa. Peço desculpas por não escrever essas lembranças em inglês. Compreendo bem o idioma, mas não me arrisco a escrever. Aliás, aprendi muito da língua inglesa ouvindo o disco e lendo as letras geniais, inspiradas e belas de Billy Corgan. Amo todos vocês, Billy, James, D’arcy e Jimmy. Obrigado mais uma vez. Vocês foram a trilha sonora de indescribable moments of my life. 


M'Shon Garress READING, US

When I was a little girl, My Dad and I used to drive upstate to our cabin in Tioga County PA every other weekend. It was my absolute favorite place to be growing up. On the way we were always jamming out to everything playing on the radio. We would be head banging, playing air guitar, and drums. Sitting in traffic jams with the windows down singing as loud as possible. Bullet with Butterfly Wings was our favorite song, and dubbed it our song. My Dad pass on Halloween in 2011 and that following Valentines day I got that tattoo drawn by my sister to represent all of our road trips and our father daughter bond. Always walking with me. Thank you so much for this music, for the memories! Xoxo

Lil’ Rebel

June Toronto, ON, CA

By the time this photo was taken, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness had been out for about five years, but the landscape of popular music was changing. It was the beginning of the pop era, when boy and girl bands ruled the radio. I remember living in a state of perpetual ‘mellon collie’ that such dark, lush, and brilliant music like that of The Smashing Pumpkins had been displaced by the facile, pastel hues of “teen pop.” I wore this shirt for school picture day in grade ten because I wanted to express my dissent against the new tide. I’ve come to realize now that to everything there is a season, if you will, but no matter what is currently popular on the radio, Mellon Collie will remain timeless!


Rayven Sulphur Louisiana, US

I first heard The Smashing Pumpkins back when I was 8 and my mom would watch the show Whale award. The song that plays on the intro was Bullet with the Butterfly Wings. Ever since I first heard it I fell in love and it easily became my favorite song. Other the years I’ve discovered more of their songs and now they are one of my favorite bands ever. Watching Whale Wars with my mom is one of the few good childhood memories I have and we bonded over the mutual like for the band. 

Mellon Collie Sentiments

Noah Engle Leesburg, VA, US

As a child, I lived in a very sheltered rich white suburb with not much to do. The people were bland, all the same. Having grown up in the 2000s once I discovered my passion for music it was hard to find good influences. Everyone around me listened to garbage rap. I found a friend who helped me thrive in finding music, still my very best friend to this day. During that period, he showed me the song 1979 which was what first lead me to the pumpkins. That song always reminds me of that year with him, not just because of the nostalgia, but the song really related to us. Anyway, after hearing that I ended up listening to Siamese Dream, which I fell in love with. Not the first grunge album I listened to but it made me realize my taste in music. Once I finally listened to MCIS tho… oh my god it changed my life. I had never felt like I had connected with someone on such an emotional level through their art. Through his lyrics, beautiful guitar and piano melodies, I could feel Billy Corgan’s emotions. I was going through a really hard time dealing with my perception of the world, as we all at some point reach. A “spiritual awakening” of sorts. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness made me feel less alone during the worst part of my life, and for that I want to thank Billy Corgan, as well as D’arcy, jimmy and James. 

All my youth

Giorgos Farmakis Athens, GR

All my youth was full of this great album music. Been a fan since then and i can recall not one memorie but many time when a song from this album was the soundtrack of my life. In sorrow or happiness, sadness or joy a song from the pumpkins was there. 

A thank you from my late daughter

Wendy Tottenham, CA

This is just a thank you to Billy and the group. My daughter Jen took her life two years ago, but I remember when she was obsessed with the pumpkins, and I just needed to say Thank you for the joy you gave my daughter with your music,  she had years of depression and mental health issues but your music brought her happiness so thank you. 

The World Is A Vampire

Kate Sydney, AU

I have the fondest memories discovering this album and MCIS was something i discovered on my own. I still connect with the all the songs and as i am older i can understand the words even more now. I walked down the aisle to Starla – it’s not a MCIS but still just as important to me. Thank you SP! 

A Hidden Universe Under my Bed: or, Kids these days will never understand the struggle

brandon jay Lakewood Ohio, US

13 when MC came out.I had a strict mother and had to keep my SD cassette hidden only able to listen when I would load up my walkman and ride my BMX around. My first copy of MC came to me when my 15 year old  brother and I had the genius idea to send away an order through the mail to one of those Columbia house music programs, and we were able to keep the order hidden until the bill showed up an we got into a lot of trouble. MC is a masterpiece that will always make me feel like the 13 year old riding the sunsets away till it was time to head home, stash the forbidden universe under my bed, and dream about the next session.- “This Message is for anyone who dares to hear a fool.”

1979 single and b side


I’ll never forget the moment I bought this album and heard Cupid De Locke. I was 16 years old and was immediately transported to another realm. MCIS is the album that gave any teenage musician/music lover the dream and hope to create their own escape or simply fall into whenever this album played. This will truly hold a place in my heart in time and space for eternity. ….and Let’s not forget the cassette B-side to 1979 “Believe” 


A. Manhattan KS, US

Tried to pre-order
the vinyl, but it never arrived. That, or someone at the record store
kept it for themselves, which, I forgive them. My friends and I still listened to
that album all the way through as soon as we had it out of the clumsy
double CD case.

What a time in life. Fond memories. A time of great change for everyone.

Even back then, we knew this was
something truly special. Some of the most genuine music. It is appreciated.

Tulsa Cains show 2010

Joseph US

This is a memory from the show I saw in 2010, the second time I saw them in concert. I had brought a sign that asked “What is mayonaise about?” It has always been a treasured song. Billy responded with a short answer and it was so cool to say that I’ve actually communicated with him. However, I just came across a YouTube clip of a show from two years later at the cains, same month only the show was on the 28th instead of the 24th that year. I don’t know how I figured this out but somebody else had brought a sign that show asking the same thing. After I saw the clip I knew it was a different show because of the answer billy gave that time. This was a trippy experience for me and I know it may sound like I’m lying but it’s true. So billy if you ever happen to read this, I’m sorry someone copied my question and it’s been my dream to spend a day with you to ask all the infinite questions I’ve always wanted to know. Much love from Tulsa.

Sadness > Happiness

Joe Kreisberg Stamford, US

I grew up on Long Island and it felt like most of my high school had tickets to see Smashing Pumpkins at MSG during the MCIS tour. The album was huge in my school and we were all looking forward to the show. Unfortunately, they were cancelled last minute because a band member tragically lost his life) but once the tour came back around, it felt like a huge (if maybe a bit dark) celebration. I still remember the chaos of the LIRR on the ride out. i think my whole class was packed in one car waiting to pull into Penn for the show! 

25 Years; So Long Ago Yet Seems Like Yesterday

Dragan Canton, MI, US

October 1995. After being introduced to SP through “Drown” on the Singles soundtrack, and subsequently devouring Gish/SD/PI on near-constant rotation, I waited with baited breath for the stroke of midnight when the hundreds of lined-up kids would be let into the record store to buy this (sure) masterpiece. Cold outside but adrenaline kept us all warm. It sounds cliche, but the air actually felt thick with electricity.  One by one I could see people running…RUNNING…out of the Ann Arbor Tower Records back to their dorms and apartments.  Around 12:15 I got my copy, and like the others, *sprinted* a half mile back to my West Quad dorm and threw the discs into my 5-CD carousel (I don’t mean to brag…). What unfolded next was amazing.  As my roommate (a casual fan at the time) and I listened to track after track, we couldn’t believe our ears. What was this wizardry?? How could this be the same band, playing both “An Ode to No One” and “Thirty Three”???? How in the $#% can this “Ruby” song be real?? WTF XYU???  “Beautiful”…has another sing been more aptly named? We were blown away.  This album created a lifelong SP fan in my roommate and he and I both continue to be obsessed with every SP/WPC release to this day.   So grateful for this album, I still listen at least once per week. 

Farewell and goodnight. 

Indescribable Moments

Greg Rochester, NY, US

Hard to put into words how much MCIS has meant to me. The first time I heard the album I was awestruck. How could one band be so versatile? The more I dug into the album the more it left a mark on me. It was the soundtrack to my coming of age. It gave me a place to go with my pain and sadness when I had no where else to go. It saved my life. I now have a 1 year old daughter, Lily, who’s first smile came  while listening to “Tonight, Tonight”. I sing “Farewell and Goodnight” to soothe her before bed. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

Seeing Smashing Pumpkins Open The New 930 Club in Washington, DC

Bob Fine Washington, DC, US

I can remember in late 1995 when WHFS announced on the radio that tickets were going on sale in a hour for Smashing Pumpkins opening the new 930 club. I was in my car half-way between Baltimore and DC on I-95. I don’t know how I made it in time to get tickets at the box office. Seeing that show with my then future wife from the 2nd floor balcony, and you all came out in pajamas. Something I have never and will never forget. 

So many words…

Karen Reading, PA, US

I was in high school and “trying to find myself”. I was born in 1979 and hoped the song would tell me something about my existence. I immediately connected with its crescendos and mellowness, and I followed it to the album. It was so inspiring as a creative writer, to explore and try to capture this art in my own words. I wrote so much, spent so many hours deeply listening. I was in love. I can’t begin to thank The Smashing Pumpkins enough for making this masterpiece. On the dichotomy of the record, the Pumpkins, and my personality – here’s the other half – Funny story: My dad liked “Bullet”, and I didn’t at the time. He said it was the Smashing Pumpkins, and I said “No Way, they do “1979””. Boy, was I wrong. Kids…

Love Always.

Laura Mendes Indaiatuba- São Paulo, BR

I’m already 19 years old, I wasn’t born in the Mellon Colie phase, at the time it happened, of course!

I went to listen to SP at the age of 14 and it was love at first sight.

This shows how much the band and the album have gone through generations and generations and still manage to attract millions of people of all ages.

thanks for everything. 💛

Living Memories

Thomas Dalton Sugar Land, TX, US

At 23, the songs were singing my heart and head. I listen now and they continue to sing my heart. Simultaneously, I remember how I felt then in different situations and relationships. Like a novel, MCIS is a collection of marvelous chapters where each is a journey through space,time and innerspace.

Tales of a scorched book

Andrew H Westminster, US

In 2005, a friend of mine moved to St. Thomas and took my MCIS guitar book with him. A couple weeks later, the house he was renting burned to the ground. One of the few items that didn’t get destroyed was my MCIS guitar book. It was scorched around the edges, but amazingly, it survived.

Amor a primeira escutada

Moyses Barbosa São Paulo, SP , BR

Me lembro como se fosse hj quando ouvi a música Tonight Tonight em uma rádio rock de minha cidade… Foi em meados de 1996… Fiquei fascinado pela sonoridade… Estava na 7 série… Entusiasmado comentei com um colega de classe sobre a descoberta que havia feito e ele comentou q seu irmão tinha acabado de ganhar o Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness… Pedi para que ele me apresentasse seu irmão para poder pegar o cd emprestado kkk… Ouvi por semanas sem parar por dias o cd… Alguns anos depois montamos uma banda… E é claro que Smashing Pumpkins foi nossa maior referência… Essa banda mudou minha vida

Tonight, tonight

Glenn Luzern, CH

Hi, I am Glenn.

I can’t believe this Album is 25 Years old. I guess I picked it up around 2002 when I was 18. I love the Album Artwork and Tonight, tonight was the first song I heard from Smashing Pumpkins on German MTV. Years later a film came out called Hugo Cabret from Martin Scorcese. That’s when I noticed that Tonight, Tonight is all based on Georges Mélies film “a journey to the moon”. I appreciate the song much more now. 

So that is my experience. 

There is Always Hope

Chris Morris Middleton, US

When MCIS came out, my life was in shambles. In brief: I had just moved into my grandmother’s apartment after my mom’s drinking got us kicked out of my step-dad’s house (rightfully so – long story there), I lost my long-time girlfriend as she left for college along with a lot of my friends, I was working at McDonald’s and getting into all kinds of trouble…among other things.

I was depressed. Lost.

But help was around the corner. I listened to this non-stop during this time and eventually made one of those decisions that seem small at the time, but in the end, absolutely transformed my life. I decided to join the Army and start over. Completely. I listened to this album as I studied for my GED. I listened to it as I drove through Chicago and the burbs endlessly for the last time. I listened to it as I said goodbye to my old self.

I love these songs because they are great, but more so, when I hear them now, they remind me there is always hope. When life isn’t going the way you want, you can take control. You can change and evolve.

Just a 90s teenager fan

Heriberto felix castro Los mochis, Sinaloa, MX

It was mid 90s im in the high school when i heard bullet with butterfly wings and it blows my mind, this album reminds me a very close friend who passed away a few years ago.

Rocking My Way Through School and Life

Bradley Campbell Georgetown, IN, US

I remember being in college trying to get to pharmacy school and having many challenges with going through a very bad breakup and also helping to take care of my brother who is 16 years younger than me. The Smashing Pumpkins music kept me going, and inspired me to keep working hard and helped me to endure the mental and emotional challenges I faced. I know the band worked tirelessly in the Mellon Collie album, and hearing that in those songs was inspiring

A very special era of a very special band.

Matthew Palmer Christchurch, NZ

I first heard SP at my friends birthday party in Dec 1995 when my other friend showed us the Bullet With Butterfly Wings video. Then for my eleventh birthday in May 1996 my parents bought me Mellon Collie on tape as well as a stereo. This was the first music I ever owned & remains my favourite album of all time. This album perfectly encapturlates the spirit of youth & for me it is very special because it is the only time in my life when something I was passionate about was extemely popular and considered cool. Very rarely does something truely alternative become that successful and mainstream like MCIS and the Pumpkins became for a  short while. It also remains in my view the greatest contemporary body of work from any rock band that I have come across from a songwriting stand point I have not known of 50+ songs that were written & recorded all in the same time frame to such a high & consistant standard of excellence. Mellon Collie and the other SP albums inspired me to learn how to play the guitar and sing in order to write & record my own songs which has become a lifelong passion .

I want to thank Billy Corgan & the band for creating such a special album & moment in time. Like so many others I continue 25 years on to enjoy all the songs of the Smashing Pumpkins.

My most highly anticipated christmas gift!

Rachel Sandy, UT, US

I was 13 when MCIS came out and begged my parents for it. I knew it would be waiting for me under the christmas tree and dug it out as soon as I could. My parents and sister got the pleasure of listening to the album all day long on our very nice sound system. It was a christmas gift for all 🙂 I still remember holding the packaging for the first time. I was so mesmerized!

My son was stillborn, but he was still born. 05-26-1996


Right around the time MCIS came out, I found out I was pregnant. I was 17, a senior in high school, alone, afraid, and in tremendous pain. Seven months later, my son was born, but he was not alive. I listened to MCIS incessantly at this time. In Porcelina, Billy sings, “It’s all alright.” I named my son Nigel Corgan Shaw. Thank you, Smashing Pumpkins, for being there for me.  


Tania Birmingham, GB

I have two CD’s of Melancholy permanently to hand.  This album has everything.  I never tire of listening to it’s contrasting layers of sound, changing moods and emotive lyrics.  The art work is beautiful – it is a work of art.  I will crank up the volume, especially XYU, Jellybelly and Where Boys Fear to Tread and blast myself with it – literally bathe in the experience, it’s the best therapy!  1979 echoes the idyllic parts of my childhood.  It is indelibly marked in my life and in my mind.  In you I’m understood.  In you I find a friend.  It’s so important to be able to truly identify with something, to gain strength from it and somehow Melancholy conjures this.  Billy, you’re my hero!


Juan QC Camp, MX

Estaba En el momento adecuado,En el dia adecuado,Un album con magia y amor,recuerdos inolvidables en dias inolvidables,me hizo ser mejor persona todo el album.

Mellon Collie saved my life

Michael Baltimore, MD, US

18 and my first semester at college. An unforgiving time, separated from everyone close to me, spiraling into recurring suicidal ideation. I got help. Whatever feelings emerged, I found reflections in these tracks, a tether to hope, and to this world more than once. Thank you just sounds so small.

Infinite Sadness on my Parents Portable Stereo

Christy Richtsmeier Boise, ID, US

I was born a little under a year after this album came out. It was my mother’s, and she loved The Smashing Pumpkins and eventually gave the CD to me when I was a child. She was a young mother and my dad was too, so they shared their music with me all the time but Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness stands out from the rest in my childhood.

I remember being around 7 years old — a little after coming to the US from living in El Salvador and taking my parents portable stereo in my room. I played Lily (My One and Only) over and over. It made me feel EVERYTHING, and of course I didn’t understand what the song fully was about except someone that longed for a lover. I swear this album made me like this kid that was a complete dreamer when listening to this album. I also remember laying on my bedroom floor closing my eyes and then switching CDs from blue to the pink one when the blue CD was over. 

I distinctly recall singing along to Stumbleine as well around this age, just me a small girl in my own world getting lost in this music. I am tearing up as I write this because it’s been so long since I have thought of these first memories with this album. I’m an only child, so I would keep to myself in my room and not say a word for hours, I could just listen. 

I still get the same rush of feelings going through Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, and the depths I understand as an adult now makes it all the better. I will never forget how special it was and still is to me.